some things just don't line up.

it's everywhere.












the food crises in chicago.

mari just called.

she shared the news regarding the death of kaylanie & destiny's dad. she shared that they were taking it hard. she shared that kaylanie is having panic attacks, she had always been close to him since she had a couple years with him preceding his time in prison during the girls early years. destiny is stubborn. she won't show her emotions until she decides it's time. the funeral is on monday.

i can't help but echo some of the same sentiments which my friend beth expressed earlier today: the challenge of continuing to really struggle with all of the pain in this world... i can't really make it all line up.

it never does. except when i'm with you - my spiritual community & support, those who express God & Jesus' love with beauty & grace, peace & fluidity.

Go out into the world in peace.
Have courage.
Hold on to what is good.
Return no one evil for evil.
Strengthen the faint-hearted,
Support the weak,
Help the suffering.
And in all these things
Take courage in the Holy Spirit
Who nourishes and makes us whole.
May the fire of God's blessing
Burn deeply within you and
Shine brightly upon you,
Now and always.

Go in peace.

A Long Week
Ramon Chaparro

I want to give the world a foot massage
“Take a load off,” I’d say
“You’ve had a long week”

I want to buy backpacks for crack babies
Teach them E=mc2
Sing them the theme to Fat Albert
Show them the correct dosage of sugar for kick-ass Kool-Aid
Tell them their mothers’ addictions
Were not predestination, were not bad luck
But just were
And they are free to be
Someone’s solution instead of the symbol
Of someone’s problem

I want to host a banquet
For the orphans of Gaza
The widows of Darfur
Pile the tables high with falafel
And kisra with bamia
Fill glasses with crystal water
Mugs with guhwah, chai, and goat’s milk
Raise a toast to their fallen loved ones
And send them to down-filled beds
For a night of rest
Without the sound of Kalashnikovs
I want to tell them they are no longer refugees
They are Mustafa and Jamilah
And they can call someplace home again

I want to give prosthetics to the war children
Of Kabul and Mazar and Kandahar
Watch them play soccer and basketball
Their new limbs gracefully awkward
Their war dreams lessening in intensity
Their eyes losing their haunted cast
Their steps unfettered by the fear
of land mines in the sand
I want to tell them they are worth more
Than sodomy and poppy seed
That they can write their own history

I want to comfort everyone everywhere
Share and bear their joys and sorrows
Whisper with prophetic imagination
Of a new world with old roots
A melancholy tale with an uplifting end
When he and she, you and me
Can love with reckless abandon
Others more than ourselves

But today, I drive by the man
With his cardboard sign
My windows rolled up against the sunny day
A dollar bill snugly ensconced
In the folds of my wallet
And I sing with Mahalia,
His eye is on the sparrow

i should really be working.

a couple new finds:

global rich list

consumer consequences

the gospel of consumption

quick up-date

the girls biological father was killed yesterday afternoon.
another close neighbor was diagnosed with cancer of the voice box.

there have been lots of sirens have been heard lately. it's summer.

two weeks ago i watched a boy get his arm dismantled by a bus while his friends ran away. shootings present to be a daily occurances while my clients are attending funerals at a record high. both from natural causes (asthma attacks, heart disease, diabetes and cancer as well as a number of various other biological reasons) and environmental causes.

the sirens continue. two weekends ago there were over approximately 30 shooting & close to ten deaths in the city of chicago. one weekend.

the sirens continue. jake was speaking with a friend about the rise in crime & violence. with knowledge and opinion jake wshared his belief that it presents to be that this increase in violence as happening just when the summer is beginning. his friend replied, "i don't know if i buy that. i think it's just that people who are poor are just frustrated."

my client's are dropping out at a rate like i have not experienced thus far. none killed that i know of but two are in jail, two most likely out using, two i put into residential treatment and one has moved out to an outer-city location with a housing program that assists women & children in housing and collateral support. another one of my client's just found out she is positive for Hep C too.

this is only the beginning.

another police car just made their way west on armitage. from a block away their sirens are so loud.

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

- Mary Oliver

p.s. read this

lovely morning.

although varying on the chilly side as the wind picks up speed & another storm front moves in, this morning we brewed some fancy coffee (thanks to Mary & Allison) and found ourselves on the front porch enjoying the blooming flowers, waiting for a friend to come over to borrow Jake's motorcycle helmet & talk with Loni as she heads off to work at McDonalds. which reminds me of the amazing cactus, onion hash browns that we had this morning for breakfast... yum.

they both look thrilled, don't they?

so i've found myself breaching into the "blog realm" of sharing, experiencing, learning and enjoying. often times finding myself entangled within a web of lovely & creative women. every once in awhile someone will hold a drawing, comments are left to be placed in the drawing which is often times conducted by the children within the home. the one chosen from the drawing will in turn receive a gift.

i have never entered into any of these drawing. until now. i've been keeping up with carolyn for some time, her jewelry is stunning & her stories so enjoyable. a couple weeks back she posted a drawing & i couldn't help myself but enter. & we won! who knew! we never win anything... this thursday we received a most delightful & surprising gift.

cuff-links for jake (aren't they handsome!)

i've worn both sets of earring in various different settings & they have drawn more attention than any other piece of jewelry i have worn. as nanette shared last night (a night that both jake & i are so grateful for), "those just look like you." i agree.

fits perfectly. shines like the sun & is simply magnificent.

over the past four weeks we have been getting our weekly groceries through growing power. in an effort to live more simply, more economically & with more intentionally holistically, we have decided to support growing power through their non-committal CSA market basket program. we've received vegetables & fruits we would have never ventured to buy ourselves. the ability to explore more avenues other than the cheap & easy has helped us increase the quality of our lives but also continued to affirm our decision to support others through our daily decisions. this is just one shot of a little watermelon we received last week. this week our surprise: huge mushrooms with heads the size of my entire hand.

with those treats in mind: we're going to hold our own little drawing. leave a message & we'll throw all comments in a basket & announce the winners wednesday evening. does anyone read this thing anymore?

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.

And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.

When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.

Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.

Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.

Listen to carrion -- put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.

Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.

As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go.

Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

- Wendell Berry

* this poem has continued throughout the years to be a manifesto of sorts to the hope we hold so closely, the love we hope to give, how we in some small way desire to think & practice. enjoy.

Eastering

Why this sadness toward spring?
Half smiles at the first yellow flowers,
Tears pooling for not reason with each rain and sunset?
Each year this green show
blows wide winter's covering and lets us see
the swell and push of beginning again.
Am I meant to rise too?
To push away what leans against the door of my pinched heart?
I cannot.
Compassion for myself
is a slow growing crop,
however carefully tended
it yields an unreliable harvest.
These resurrections
ask more of me than I can give
every time
this hurts more
than the pains of my body
than the old world full of sorrows
this offering of love
this unbearable git of another chance.

- Barbara Pescan

If you haven't heard of TED, you should know about it.

If you haven't ever seen this video of Majora Carter speaking at TED, you should know about her.

If you don't have Flash installed on your computer, you will need it before you can do either of the above things.

Watch the video and comment here.

We really want to know what you think.

EDIT (4/23) - Watch a few TED videos and when you leave a comment, also put a link to your favorites.

a healthy blur.

in the advent of spring jake & i have found ourselves enjoying the delights of spring time. riding our bikes. enjoying picnics & long walk (go ahead and say it, "on the beach"). spending from 5:17pm - 7:30pm outside laughing. fresh fruits & vegetables that are finding their way into season. we're finding ourselves once again in the doing rather than being, and for now - that's okay. my body has been longing to become friends with the warm wind once again & my toes have found their way out of hibernation. in addition we have had the delight of spending the last couple weekend with friends both visiting us in our home as well as welcoming us into their home.

yummm... chocolate peanut butter cupcakes + a couple tangy licks from the support staff.

lauren helping destiny with a homework assignment on explaining global warming, presenting its long term effects and then attempting to persuade the reader (through a poster presentation) the importance of addressing global warming and how to do so (ex: don't keep your hair straightener plugged in all day. she's a bright one).

the ladies at the conservatory.

the men lookin' thrilled.

the following day our good friend josh left us a message, "cancel all of your plans, you don't have any other option, we'll be at your house at noon." that afternoon josh & a couple friends presented themselves at our door and took us to a White Sox vs. Tigers baseball game. When told where we would be going, jake's responded, "that's baseball right?"

at the top of the 4th inning the score was something ridiculous like White Sox 7, Tigers 0. It got sad. For moral support we flipped the caps, which elicited an increased number of "boos" and "hisses" from behind. yet, we stuck with them, josh in his redwings jersey, me in my Tigers cap. we were a magical team, with the magic of dry wonderbread.

this weekend lauren offered us a ride to purdue for a couple nights of simple friend enjoyment. each time we head south diana & ruben blow up their air mattress & allow us to stay with them, share in meals together with them and host any number of friends who stop by in the evenings. we cannot thank them enough for their kindness each visit.

the following morning we ran into the "Complicated" Women of breaksfast club

that evening diana & i enjoyed partaking together in our newly christened ritual, baking vegan cupcakes for all to enjoy. this visits choice of recipe: lime & coconut cupcakes.

this picture you get to make up your own caption to. so many dynamics occurring in this one shot.

and lastly:natural urban gardening.

in addition to all of what has been mentioned above, we have been so grateful to have been a part of some really great conversations about love, faith, trust, finances, community, beauty, sensuality, gardening, vermicomposting, sustainability, etc. so many "catch" words for the time. yet, all great topics which have continued to give guidance to the direction life seems to be taking both jake & i together.

change. making the decision to let it happen and embracing with laughter & trust whatever comes our way.

can't keep myself inside.

i just can't find a reason to do so.
lately i feel as though a resurgence of life has found it's way into each step. i just can't keep myself inside. over the last two weeks we have been so grateful to have found ourselves more in conversation with our neighbors & old friends. their energy, love and kindness have all been such gifts.

on that note - we're headed off to a vermicompost party this evening. afterwards we're headed off to Purdue with a free ride and some hopeful good times.

in the meantime, here are some handsome treats for the eyes from the Garfield Park Conservatory.

sliced finger.

this evening i was looking forward with anticipation to write. both jake & i have found ourselves in the midst of free flowing grace & rejuvenation. sneaking up from behind spring has caught our attention and we have been taken to love. i so deeply wanted to share what this spiritual experience has been like for th both of us, and as cory would say, "in a both both plural and singular way."

yet, this evening when the kids were over i was cutting us some cheese, fancy cheese that is - it was their night to try something new instead of the same ole' bran flakes & yogurt. in cutting the cheese (giggle, giggle) i sliced my finger and it hurts. it's also extremely awkward to attempt at typing with a long piece of jake's old underwear wrapped around my left hand ring finger, taped in place. reduce (not using disposal band-aids), reuse (we can use this bandage again after a nice washing), and recycle (it was jake's underwear at one time).

so tonight, a couple picture with short stories. perhaps next time - thoughts.

half of our garden. please don't ask what we're planting because all i have for you is "flowers & herbs!" we didn't label to keep us guessing. in the midst of cleaning though i took out the seed packages with the names and threw them in the recycling, which is long gone by now. see below the beautiful jars of yummy treats for two of my sisters for my birthday (which was great!): homemade peanut butter, barley, beans, olive oil, honey, beans, an empty candy jar (which we are intentionally keeping empty at this time), and popcorn.

new life.

on Sunday we headed up to Fox Lake for a day of laying out in the sun, walking, kissing, playing and motor cycle riding. our batteries in our camera ran out after this picture. therefore, this is all we have from our day away. previous to this day we were gifted with the opportunity to attend deep shift. you can read more about out time at our friend Rebecca's blog. ah - so many thoughts!

bike season is officially back! our my way to work this morning though i found myself in a bit of a bind,, literally, as my jean skirt kept on slipping under the back break and wedging itself between my break and back wheel. ugh! with forethought though i planned for my ride home to be more of a success than the ride to work. my solution: as seen above. it worked like a dream.

tonight the kids thought it was funny to lick dirt. i thought it was funny too and let them continue to do so, laughing. it's probably better than most of the crap they put in their bodies anyway.

night lights in our home.

spring.

i didn't understand the psychological toll winter had taken on my soul until spring. now i dance with notice of buds beginning to bring life to the cryptic trees. i jumped with joy sunday evening at the sound of our beloved ice cream truck. people are out! we're out! our windows are open as the dark peeks it's way into the night and the sun is greeting us earlier and earlier as our internal clocks find their rhythm with birds songs once again.

to ring in the season of resurrection we spent friday evening planting herbs & wildflowers all over our home, placing each box of hopeful beauty as directly into the sun as possible.

four days of growth. look how they lean to the sun.

our morning light.

five days growth! what are we ever going to do with so many flowers!

grandma.

when i was a child i remember days spent inside grandma & grandpa's home. the same home my grandpa was raised and where he raised his own nine children. two girls, seven boys, one set of twins. each visit my mind teems with memories of times spent sneaking around, peeking in drawers, snacking & gorging on Polish delights and homemade bread with jam.

sleeping upstairs in a room where six children once slept, three to a double bed. such tender memories of being tucked under the covers atop these well worn mattresses, reading with the sunlight and jumping all around without a care.

grandpa sitting in his chair. grandpa's chair next to his pipe tray. now reupholstered and fashioned to shine this was where my grandpa would sit for hours as we took turns at the constant rotation of being able to sit on his knees and listen to stories overflowing with enthralling plot lines with sailor-like character development.

a refrigerator overflowing with polish sausage & links,
spreads & mayo salads, submerged with beans and jam.

she says she has made only 47 afghans, but beg to differ. i believe she made only was able to fashion 47 afghans for the grandchildren before she was no longer able to sit in her parlor chair and crochet away like she use to be able to. yet, blankets like these have been a covering haven of protection & rest since i was a child curling up in the same couch that is still there today.

even today i feel like a trespasser in the adult bedroom, where our parents use to stay
while the children were minded to upstairs to play. this visit our uncle joey was visiting and still, over twenty years later, i still feel like i'm sneaking into the principals office to steal chocolates when i step foot inside the door. the drawers that held the crayons and coloring books was in here, along side the Pope and the trusty Polish dictionary.

grandma's sanctuary.

grandma.

while visiting i snuck upstairs and dug into the chest where grandpa once kept his pictures, news clipping and memories from WWII. Together, for a couple hours we searched through memories, faces, families and forgotten news and obituaries. She shared that it had been over ten years since she opened the chest of treasures due to an inability to walk up stairs or bend over and lift. Following these realistic explanation she shared,
"there is no one to look through them with any more, pa has been gone for eighteen years."

on the way out of manistee before heading to my parents and his,
we stopped by the Lake to see what riches were to be found.