We went away.














But we came back.














But we want to go again.














Good food, bad bugs, good camping, bad smells, good weather, good street theater, it was everything that we needed.















And now we have a busy few weeks. Jess is taking her motorcycle licensing class all this weekend, we will be away for the 4th of July, and we have lots of people coming to visit and traveling through.

Be well.

Ride a bike.

Soak up some sun.

it's time.

we're off on vacation this afternoon until the 26th. YEAH! i'm beginning to feel the clostiness of the city. my feet are begging for dirt, my body yearning for dancing in the woods and my soul ready to rest with my beloved by the campfire with a slow moving book to fall into. it's time.

friday night.

i love when jake & i have something to do or someplace to go on friday evening, right after work. i get excited, often not because of what we're doing or where we're going (sorry friends), but because it means that we get to drive to work.

on any given day i despise driving to work. it's too nice outside & truth be told, i've become addicted to my bike. she, my teal trussler, has become a part of me & i enjoy spending time with her daily. but fridays. i really enjoy fridays.

you see, every friday at 7:30am, right on our way to work, is a three to five minute program called StoryCorps, a program of NRP. i look forward to these five minutes of radio each week. i know, with internet i could listen to them all day with little effort. but like most radio programs, there is just something magical about listening to them on the radio. it makes me feel like i'm suppose to listen to them at this time instead of working around my convienence, i do that too often anyway.

StoryCorps (this is not the same link as above) is special though. listening to intimate sories shared from those who both do and do not believe they have something to share, something to give, something to tell. it's a beautiful five minutes of listening to stories that many wouldn't identify as those that matter. but when given the time to listen to, i often find that these stories are often threads of those same stories hidden within that help me to remember that those little stories do matter. those are the stories that make us who we are and how we love and live.

who wants to meet for dinner next friday night, right after work?

an accidential beautiful find

by Frank Wick

thank you.

jake just called grandma for a moment. see how she is doing. ask her a couple questions. inquire about the status of neighbors & community kids. the usual.

you have to know, grandma is the center of our block. present always like eddie, she is often available through her presence to those who need her love the most. those who often have no place to go and kids who have lost imaginations.

ethan, jermaine & andre's grandparents live next door to grandma with only a chest high wire fence separating them. throughout the summer the boys are known to play ball and "accidentally" throw &/or kick it over into grandma's yard. in the past, because they have not been the most pleasant munchkins in how they ask grandma for their ball back she often times lets the ball sit. sit as the boys look. hoping & wishing for mercy.

she'll often times let it, the ball, wait in the yard a day to teach in a somewhat passive way to use appropriate language in how they ask for things. today was different though. she shared that the boys threw the ball over the fence. they then promptly asked, "grandma, can you please give us our ball back." she did. and then it happened. they said "thank you." they said thank you.

grandma shared, "i knew it was you two who taught them that."

i'm not sure it was, but there is a part of me that hopes for our influence to have caused them to learn how to say "thank you". if so, i can leave chicago knowing that the world is a little better. i guess that's all that we/i can hope for. that wherever we leave, whenever we leave, whomever we leave, they & it will be a little better when we leave. just a little.

a good discussion is happening here.

i would really appreciate hearing any thoughts you have.

here or there.

May.

Toward the conclusion of April I shared with Jake, “I feel as though we have been so loved this month.” So I made it a goal to track throughout the month of May who we have spent our time with, what we would do, etc. A little task for the month & was I ever surprised and grateful as I gazed upon our calendar yesterday, the first of June. Every day, with the exception of two weekday evenings, were willed with love & time spent with our neighbors and extended community. Picnics with friends, gatherings & outings, coffee dates & motorcycle rides, friends from far away staying over, dinners and rides out and about as well as within our home.

With the shining intensity of May Jake & I found ourselves more in dialog about community and what it was that made May so delightful and engaging. I know, I know, it's a hot topic to discuss. Living in community, concepts of community, community development, community reconciliation, community outreach... It presents as though one of the newest topic of discussion within religious circles: how to develop & engage in community. New nonprofit organizations over the last decade have been popping up with mission statements and visions hopeful of conveying a new message of community. Educational programs regarding community development have been increasing in the number of students applying and studying how to engage underdeveloped communities toward a better way of living. People of natural privilege & religious beliefs have been challenged and encouraged to relocate and assist in restoring under-resourced communities. Opportunities to live in community and learn better how to love others through a relationship with God have been increasing and are beginning to have an influential effect on the lives of young adults and how they are choosing to carry our their lives with God & Christ.

I am a product of these schools of thoughts and am forever grateful of their influence in my life. These programs. These teachings, beliefs, guides, examples. They were/are the outlets that brought me to the place of understanding more how I believe God intended for us to live together and live within. These resources were the tools, I believe, used by God to change my natural school of thought & practice. Through affirmation, conversation, mediation & immersion over the last five years I have been encouraged more than ever before to be the love, I believe, God intended for me/us to be.

Last night I had a really rich and affirming conversation with a new friend. A friend I hope to keep around for a long time. She shared how often times she feels as though we (society) take simple concepts and ideas such as community and intellectualize them into methods and tasks, books and essays, process and conclusions. She continued to share that often times she struggles to be a part of these conversations and struggles to make natural relationships that God intended for us to develop organically into means to obtain some end goal of community.

I struggle with not making a set of rules for myself & I most certainly often times find myself working more often on the side of religion rather than spirituality, judgment rather than perception, education rather than experience, rules and regulations rather than balance and flexibility. So I understand what this hopeful good friend is saying. For I too am guilty of making natural and organic desires of God into educational concepts and processes with end goals. But I feel like I'm not alone in this. Because when I engaged in these programs we always had tasks to stretch us and were encouraged by our stakeholders as to by look at what an end goal would look like. For most nonprofit organizations there has to be end goals and objectives stated in order to receive money to carry out dreams of how to develop and enhance their stated mission or vision, most often to the benefit of community. It's the world we live in. It's how we obtain money to serve others. It's how we get people behind our passion: we give them an end goal to look forward to, a set of objectives of how we're going to get there and the stated change we hope to see in the world through carrying out the goals, tasks, objectives. Wow – that exhausted me to even think about and I write up this stuff for a living (goals, objectives, ect.)

This is the thing, this whole religion, judgment, education, rules, regulations, should have, could have, would haves becomes addictive. Really addictive. Community is one of those “things” in my life. Something that over time turned into all of the preceding adjectives that started to blanket the nouns. The grandma's, Eddie's, Destiny's, Edgar's, those who are without homes, those who are without financial gains, those who are without. Pawns in a game of obtaining something I disguised as community.

So I stopped. I stopped forcing interaction and remembered times in Morocco when Jake, Cory & I would take walks around Midelt, sharing, speaking and enjoying the company that we would encounter as we walked. There was no driving distances, scheduling times, arranging meeting places, etc. It just happened. I miss this. But even then, I was a slave to end goals and means of how to obtain them.

It's at this point that I wish I was able to present some magical process of how I came to embrace letting this go, letting go of the need to follow rules to obtain community. But I don't feel like I have a process to share. I just had to let it go. I had to embrace that I am powerless over the condition of impaired community living that we rest and engage in. I had to let go of the insanity of always wanting to follow a system to obtain community. I had to make the decision to let God be God and be intentional about being part of God. I had/have to learn to simply love without all of those adjectives that have become misdemeanors that have taken me further away from God and God's Beloved.

So I think for now I'm done "learning" and am simply going to try to love in whatever way presents itself through life. Who knows, maybe in the meantime we may stumple upon this whole community thing that so many people are taking about and experience another May.

p.s. read this and maybe this entry will make a bit more sense. he has a way of making things make a little bit more sense in life.

some things just don't line up.

it's everywhere.












the food crises in chicago.

mari just called.

she shared the news regarding the death of kaylanie & destiny's dad. she shared that they were taking it hard. she shared that kaylanie is having panic attacks, she had always been close to him since she had a couple years with him preceding his time in prison during the girls early years. destiny is stubborn. she won't show her emotions until she decides it's time. the funeral is on monday.

i can't help but echo some of the same sentiments which my friend beth expressed earlier today: the challenge of continuing to really struggle with all of the pain in this world... i can't really make it all line up.

it never does. except when i'm with you - my spiritual community & support, those who express God & Jesus' love with beauty & grace, peace & fluidity.

Go out into the world in peace.
Have courage.
Hold on to what is good.
Return no one evil for evil.
Strengthen the faint-hearted,
Support the weak,
Help the suffering.
And in all these things
Take courage in the Holy Spirit
Who nourishes and makes us whole.
May the fire of God's blessing
Burn deeply within you and
Shine brightly upon you,
Now and always.

Go in peace.

A Long Week
Ramon Chaparro

I want to give the world a foot massage
“Take a load off,” I’d say
“You’ve had a long week”

I want to buy backpacks for crack babies
Teach them E=mc2
Sing them the theme to Fat Albert
Show them the correct dosage of sugar for kick-ass Kool-Aid
Tell them their mothers’ addictions
Were not predestination, were not bad luck
But just were
And they are free to be
Someone’s solution instead of the symbol
Of someone’s problem

I want to host a banquet
For the orphans of Gaza
The widows of Darfur
Pile the tables high with falafel
And kisra with bamia
Fill glasses with crystal water
Mugs with guhwah, chai, and goat’s milk
Raise a toast to their fallen loved ones
And send them to down-filled beds
For a night of rest
Without the sound of Kalashnikovs
I want to tell them they are no longer refugees
They are Mustafa and Jamilah
And they can call someplace home again

I want to give prosthetics to the war children
Of Kabul and Mazar and Kandahar
Watch them play soccer and basketball
Their new limbs gracefully awkward
Their war dreams lessening in intensity
Their eyes losing their haunted cast
Their steps unfettered by the fear
of land mines in the sand
I want to tell them they are worth more
Than sodomy and poppy seed
That they can write their own history

I want to comfort everyone everywhere
Share and bear their joys and sorrows
Whisper with prophetic imagination
Of a new world with old roots
A melancholy tale with an uplifting end
When he and she, you and me
Can love with reckless abandon
Others more than ourselves

But today, I drive by the man
With his cardboard sign
My windows rolled up against the sunny day
A dollar bill snugly ensconced
In the folds of my wallet
And I sing with Mahalia,
His eye is on the sparrow

i should really be working.

a couple new finds:

global rich list

consumer consequences

the gospel of consumption

quick up-date

the girls biological father was killed yesterday afternoon.
another close neighbor was diagnosed with cancer of the voice box.

there have been lots of sirens have been heard lately. it's summer.

two weeks ago i watched a boy get his arm dismantled by a bus while his friends ran away. shootings present to be a daily occurances while my clients are attending funerals at a record high. both from natural causes (asthma attacks, heart disease, diabetes and cancer as well as a number of various other biological reasons) and environmental causes.

the sirens continue. two weekends ago there were over approximately 30 shooting & close to ten deaths in the city of chicago. one weekend.

the sirens continue. jake was speaking with a friend about the rise in crime & violence. with knowledge and opinion jake wshared his belief that it presents to be that this increase in violence as happening just when the summer is beginning. his friend replied, "i don't know if i buy that. i think it's just that people who are poor are just frustrated."

my client's are dropping out at a rate like i have not experienced thus far. none killed that i know of but two are in jail, two most likely out using, two i put into residential treatment and one has moved out to an outer-city location with a housing program that assists women & children in housing and collateral support. another one of my client's just found out she is positive for Hep C too.

this is only the beginning.

another police car just made their way west on armitage. from a block away their sirens are so loud.

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

- Mary Oliver

p.s. read this

lovely morning.

although varying on the chilly side as the wind picks up speed & another storm front moves in, this morning we brewed some fancy coffee (thanks to Mary & Allison) and found ourselves on the front porch enjoying the blooming flowers, waiting for a friend to come over to borrow Jake's motorcycle helmet & talk with Loni as she heads off to work at McDonalds. which reminds me of the amazing cactus, onion hash browns that we had this morning for breakfast... yum.

they both look thrilled, don't they?

so i've found myself breaching into the "blog realm" of sharing, experiencing, learning and enjoying. often times finding myself entangled within a web of lovely & creative women. every once in awhile someone will hold a drawing, comments are left to be placed in the drawing which is often times conducted by the children within the home. the one chosen from the drawing will in turn receive a gift.

i have never entered into any of these drawing. until now. i've been keeping up with carolyn for some time, her jewelry is stunning & her stories so enjoyable. a couple weeks back she posted a drawing & i couldn't help myself but enter. & we won! who knew! we never win anything... this thursday we received a most delightful & surprising gift.

cuff-links for jake (aren't they handsome!)

i've worn both sets of earring in various different settings & they have drawn more attention than any other piece of jewelry i have worn. as nanette shared last night (a night that both jake & i are so grateful for), "those just look like you." i agree.

fits perfectly. shines like the sun & is simply magnificent.

over the past four weeks we have been getting our weekly groceries through growing power. in an effort to live more simply, more economically & with more intentionally holistically, we have decided to support growing power through their non-committal CSA market basket program. we've received vegetables & fruits we would have never ventured to buy ourselves. the ability to explore more avenues other than the cheap & easy has helped us increase the quality of our lives but also continued to affirm our decision to support others through our daily decisions. this is just one shot of a little watermelon we received last week. this week our surprise: huge mushrooms with heads the size of my entire hand.

with those treats in mind: we're going to hold our own little drawing. leave a message & we'll throw all comments in a basket & announce the winners wednesday evening. does anyone read this thing anymore?

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.

And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.

When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.

Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.

Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.

Listen to carrion -- put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.

Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.

As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go.

Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

- Wendell Berry

* this poem has continued throughout the years to be a manifesto of sorts to the hope we hold so closely, the love we hope to give, how we in some small way desire to think & practice. enjoy.

Eastering

Why this sadness toward spring?
Half smiles at the first yellow flowers,
Tears pooling for not reason with each rain and sunset?
Each year this green show
blows wide winter's covering and lets us see
the swell and push of beginning again.
Am I meant to rise too?
To push away what leans against the door of my pinched heart?
I cannot.
Compassion for myself
is a slow growing crop,
however carefully tended
it yields an unreliable harvest.
These resurrections
ask more of me than I can give
every time
this hurts more
than the pains of my body
than the old world full of sorrows
this offering of love
this unbearable git of another chance.

- Barbara Pescan

If you haven't heard of TED, you should know about it.

If you haven't ever seen this video of Majora Carter speaking at TED, you should know about her.

If you don't have Flash installed on your computer, you will need it before you can do either of the above things.

Watch the video and comment here.

We really want to know what you think.

EDIT (4/23) - Watch a few TED videos and when you leave a comment, also put a link to your favorites.

a healthy blur.

in the advent of spring jake & i have found ourselves enjoying the delights of spring time. riding our bikes. enjoying picnics & long walk (go ahead and say it, "on the beach"). spending from 5:17pm - 7:30pm outside laughing. fresh fruits & vegetables that are finding their way into season. we're finding ourselves once again in the doing rather than being, and for now - that's okay. my body has been longing to become friends with the warm wind once again & my toes have found their way out of hibernation. in addition we have had the delight of spending the last couple weekend with friends both visiting us in our home as well as welcoming us into their home.

yummm... chocolate peanut butter cupcakes + a couple tangy licks from the support staff.

lauren helping destiny with a homework assignment on explaining global warming, presenting its long term effects and then attempting to persuade the reader (through a poster presentation) the importance of addressing global warming and how to do so (ex: don't keep your hair straightener plugged in all day. she's a bright one).

the ladies at the conservatory.

the men lookin' thrilled.

the following day our good friend josh left us a message, "cancel all of your plans, you don't have any other option, we'll be at your house at noon." that afternoon josh & a couple friends presented themselves at our door and took us to a White Sox vs. Tigers baseball game. When told where we would be going, jake's responded, "that's baseball right?"

at the top of the 4th inning the score was something ridiculous like White Sox 7, Tigers 0. It got sad. For moral support we flipped the caps, which elicited an increased number of "boos" and "hisses" from behind. yet, we stuck with them, josh in his redwings jersey, me in my Tigers cap. we were a magical team, with the magic of dry wonderbread.

this weekend lauren offered us a ride to purdue for a couple nights of simple friend enjoyment. each time we head south diana & ruben blow up their air mattress & allow us to stay with them, share in meals together with them and host any number of friends who stop by in the evenings. we cannot thank them enough for their kindness each visit.

the following morning we ran into the "Complicated" Women of breaksfast club

that evening diana & i enjoyed partaking together in our newly christened ritual, baking vegan cupcakes for all to enjoy. this visits choice of recipe: lime & coconut cupcakes.

this picture you get to make up your own caption to. so many dynamics occurring in this one shot.

and lastly:natural urban gardening.

in addition to all of what has been mentioned above, we have been so grateful to have been a part of some really great conversations about love, faith, trust, finances, community, beauty, sensuality, gardening, vermicomposting, sustainability, etc. so many "catch" words for the time. yet, all great topics which have continued to give guidance to the direction life seems to be taking both jake & i together.

change. making the decision to let it happen and embracing with laughter & trust whatever comes our way.

can't keep myself inside.

i just can't find a reason to do so.
lately i feel as though a resurgence of life has found it's way into each step. i just can't keep myself inside. over the last two weeks we have been so grateful to have found ourselves more in conversation with our neighbors & old friends. their energy, love and kindness have all been such gifts.

on that note - we're headed off to a vermicompost party this evening. afterwards we're headed off to Purdue with a free ride and some hopeful good times.

in the meantime, here are some handsome treats for the eyes from the Garfield Park Conservatory.