Monday, May 10, 2010

Growing Heart

In January as my mom was in the beginning stages of cleaning out her classroom as she prepares for retirement she came across the following quote she later passed my way:

Making a decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. (Elizabeth Stone)

Back in January my body hadn't changed too much at that time - clothes were fitting tighter, aversions to certain foods were stronger. But this idea of forever having my heart walk outside of my body was an idea, a philosophy, a thought of "really?" as I read over and through this quote time after time, not able to truly grasp what Elizabeth could be intending to convey/communicate about her ideas of motherhood/parenting.

In February I began wearing maternity clothing. February 20th I felt our child move inside for the first time as I laid in bed beside my Beloved, waking to a home filled with friends - experiencing new life.

In March I began wearing form fitting shirts. My breasts were (and still are) growing, my belly expanding, my hips adjusting. Evidence was growing that our lives were changing, my heart was supporting another, my choices were impacting another, my lungs were bringing new life to another and my body was growing into a haven for another life.

In April our little one began dancing. Naturally, we began a new routine to our morning and evening together of listening to this new life with our hands, hearts, and laughter in the midst of the miracle maturing in this body.

A month ago this morning I shared with my Board of Directors that following the birth of our child I will not be returning to my position. A week later we sold my motorcycle and began packing our apartment into boxes - preparing to move to a place where we can rest and call home.

Three weeks back as Jake & I were laying on the couch, listening to each other, communicating with one another our feelings related to these slow & steady changes our little one began to dance. With instinct I lifted my shirt and we watched for the first time our child move within. My skin adapted, my shape manipulated, my spirit connected and although I have always known that a love for our child would come - as we laid on the cough that evening as a family I could not help but wonder what we would continue to grow and look like as our heart began to grow into something greater than the two of us combined.

Our heart continues to grow, able to experience our spirits and listen to our voices, developing the skills needed to walk around outside of our bodies, experience the world on his/her own terms and listen to the small voice of love growing inside.

This morning our little one woke me with a jab to my lower right abdomen. He/She is thriving as we continue to celebrate, wonder, grieve and celebrate over and with this new life preparing itself for love and life on behalf of others and within.

Our heart is growing & learning as we look forward to cherishing and protecting committed moments such as these together.


Alissa said...

Beautiful, Jess! You guys are going to be great parents! (((HUGS)))

matthias said...

Awesome! Glad to hear the update on your growing heart and growing love. Where are you all moving? Still in the Chicago area?
I hope you are all three well. Peace.

Lauren said...

I excitedly read your blog whenever it is published - but rarely comment. I loved this post. It brought me much joy and excitement for the two of you!

Pia said...

I am crying right now...tears of exultation at the beauty this child is already experiencing and can now only experience deeper and deeper. How magnificent the two of you are! So much love my dear dear cousins. Metta and Love. xxx