practicing resurrection.

this topic could be covered in so many ways on so many levels, today though i encourage you to take a moment and work your way through this virtual prayer pilgrimage represented in the stations of the cross.

artists: Nanette Sawyer, Nick Croston, Jhonathan F. Gómez, Tim Vermeulen

all of the art work presented was created by artists and non-artists alike from the Wicker Park Grace community during Lent 2007. these beautiful stations of reflection were created in order to reinterpret the stations of the cross in contemporary terms both "meaningful and evocative," as stated on their community web-site.

enjoy. reflect. have peace and enjoy the beauty of the resurrected one as well as the resurrection occurring in the spring thaw.

do you see our new bud?

- jess & jake

a couple up-dates:

moving to Step Two this week. it's been a refreshing two weeks working under the umbrella of Step One but it's time to move on. sanity awaits...

this week has been such a delightful one, filled with friends, children, struggles and celebrations. i feel as though God is beginning to take control of things again. i'm beginning to feel so much more free to live! yesterday i stopped by target in running our errands to try on fancy skirts because i shaved my legs for the first time in months. it was then that i realized that i'm still not okay, but i'm not crying every time i walk into a department store and i haven't gone back to where i was in 2002. i'm at peace with this - progress, not perfection. if there just wasn't so much chocolate and so many plastic eggs... too much stimulation.

in other new:

jake went on a man date yesterday and came home muddy.

the reason i love saturday mornings in chicago:

• Car Talk
• Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me
• Sound Opinions
  

went out with some girlfriends for a movie and some tea.

went and spent close to an hour and a half here, touching, smelling, strolling and enjoying.

our congregation has been featured two times in the recent weeks.

• The Christian Century
• CPR

spent a little cash to begin a project much like this. while there it was such a delight to take my time a touch the fabrics, wrap the ribbons and watch a class of four women and one old man learn how to knit in a sponsored knitting class.

having some "never-met-but-feel-kindred-already" friends over this afternoon for some tea & muffins. this is seeming to be a trend lately in our home and i feel as though it's a healthy one.

we cannot stop breaking our fasts here.

and lastly - our breakfast nook



i bought these (tulips) from an amazing garden blooming (in Home Depot) where i spent at least twenty minutes touching tulip, daffodil, and hyacinth pedals and smooth, rigid, prickly leaves and stems. it's spring! Thanks Rachel & Diana/Ruben for the other life giving clippings.



as we are making cookies for our dinner with some neighbors this later afternoon, i quote jake, "my favorite things all together: pretzels with peanut butter, chocolate chip, dark chocolate M&M cookie dough! Yummmmm!"

recovery.

step one - we admitted we were powerless over drugs and alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

three weeks ago the kids from next door stopped coming over. their mom recently got a significant settlement (from who knows where for who knows what, not many seem to know) and decided it was time to seek independence and self-sufficiency for her and her family. therefore, she, her husband and their five children all moved into a beautiful apartment two blocks away. the week of their move i spent time with Mari, sitting in her new dining room chatting about the changes that were about to unfold, the hope that i had for her and her family, the potential growth and peace that may manifest itself through the simplicity of being together. ahh... the potential their home has to be a home of safety, growth, family!

but when this all happened, the kids stopped coming over as much. in fact, they barely come over at all anymore. they call, but often times it's just to say hi.

four weeks ago eddie called us and shared with us that he was on the brink of buying himself a used car. with a suspended license and a significant amount of money to pay in retribution, we feared the manifestation of this decision. that week we saw it sitting there though, a gray old hoopti that had been spruced up for the sale. we use to spend our saturdays with eddie, shopping, having taco bell dates, going out to buy his cigarettes at half price only to turn around and sell that double that price to neighbors. ahh... the independence he must feel to now be able to do it all on his own!

when all this happened though, eddie stopped calling as much. in fact, he doesn't really call at all anymore. once in awhile, but just to say hi.

the snow presents to be coming to it's end. i've been surprised before - early april blossoms and snowflake randevus. it's been a difficult february though, and i'm beginning to enjoy the potential of march.

this time of detox from neighbors and the agony of february presents to be ceasing though, and the early budding presents to give promises of growth and freedom on a more consistent basis.

therefore, i'm going into recovery. it's time for a renewal.

step one - we admitted we were powerless over drugs and alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

it sounds silly, i know. i'm not an active drug or alcohol user - although the potential is there. i'm not an active shopper, eater or sexer - although the potential is there. i'm simply tired of the chaos in my head and more specifically, tired of the conditional love, rules and regulations i have placed between me and God.

entering into recovery. the date of admission: march 3rd, 2008.

no longer am i going to hide in:
guilt
shame
masks
motivation
intentions
rituals
or comforts

no longer am i going to let these protestant sins, women bent, culture induced mental rituals:
control me
hide me
wither me
erase me
bury me

the compilation of this body, soul, mind and heart that God created was meant to enjoy.

i have decided i'm going to begin embracing the shame that binds
hold the guilt that is possessive and inflexible
rock the lonely masks of betterment
cradle the crying motivations
let good intentions with no demonstration wither inside
savor the destructive rituals and comforts.

therefore, i am going to begin to swim out of them.
i'm going to begin to swim deeply
exercise large strokes
breathe carefully
kick wildly
allowing God to touch, heal and enjoy every part of me.

i am powerless of so much of what i have let control me and infiltrate this tainted, once pure, mind. i have let these thoughts and life practices become unmanageable to the point of semi-paralysis.

step one - we admitted we were powerless over drugs and alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

today i admit, i am in some serious need of thought and life practice restructuring.

what's beautiful though is that i feel safe. safe and free to do so.

While the cats away...

Jess is out for the evening, so what do I think I will do? Let me show you. It is called the "longest recipe ever" and while starting is easy, finishing takes a long time.

Step 1: go out and buy the cheapest, biggest bottle of Vodka you can find.

Step 2: throughly wash a few canning jars.

Step 3: fill the jars 1/3 full of fruit and sift in white sugar to fill in the cracks.

Step4: fill the jar to the brim with cheap Vodka and seal.
Now the waiting begins. For proper infusion, this concoction must sit in a
cool place for at least a year.
The longer you let it sit, the better it tastes when it is done.

Step 5: repeat with different fruits.

Step 6: Sample the really cheap Vodka and remember why you don't drink it strait, but instead prepare wonderful concoctions containing fruit and sugar.

If anyone wants to come over next February and open a jar of this with us, you are more than welcome.

Mark it on your calendars kids, February '09.

I am going to go make sure the rest of the Vodka is as bad as the part I just sampled.

Blech.

i have no self control.

three day weekend in michigan.

because we are citidiots a majority of the time, we indulge on three-day weekends and make our way to our beloved friends and family. this past weekend we headed north.

my dreams are with these colors.

A thousand mountains. Flying birds vanish. Ten thousand paths. Human traces erased. One boat, bamboo hat, bark cape -- an old man. Alone with his hook. Cold river. Snow.
- Liu Zongyuan

mom making first grade lesson plans with white socks examining the occasional stranger.

jake & dad snow-shoeing together, which jake describes as "perfect."

springs promise.

garage summer treasures.

deer tracks dancing around the backyard compost pile.

***

after an evening and afternoon with my parents we headed north to spend an evening with our kindred friends, Rene & Richard + two. after a two night stay following an ice/rain/snow storm Rene and I stood amazed to see that Richard & Jake were still around and still committed. as Richard told Jake, "I've been around for ten years with them together, you have to get away when you can."

Little G, our little Indian child, squatting & watching.

cooking fun.

beautiful Little M.

***

we took the long way home down the lake michigan coastline. toward St. Joseph we snuck in to a deeply wooded city park and began a hopeful walk down the lake.



yet, after a number of deep ice cliffs and sweeping snow banks with cold winds biting at our ears & noses and no end in sight due to the frozen shallow seas, we headed back to the crystallized ginger and cinnamon covered almonds to keep us company.

in Herb's words, "you don't know nothin' about us!"

In 1999 when i first began serving a the newly torn down J.W. Filmores of Mt. Pleasant, MI I met Josh. Part of a team serving up meatloaf & burgers Josh has now, after years of culinary education and experience, made his way up to the ranks of "Chef Josh," as the servers so politely refer to him as of Sam & Harry's.

At Josh's invitation, on Super Bowl Sunday we had a most refreshing time in his home with some friends, fine chili & laughter. That night Josh asked us what we were doing on Valentines Day. With excitement we shared that we were going to use this holiday as an excuse to go down to the local Taqueria and order our favorite veg. burritos with extra avocado. Yummm! Inquiring if we would consider an alternative, Josh shared with us about a private dinner he was hosting with a champagne mogul. He continued to describe that this would be a private party of endless glasses of champagne, matched perfectly with a custom four course meal prepared by him.

In curiosity I whispered in his ear, "How much?"
He whispered in return, "Nothing for you, you will be my guests."
I whispered once again, "If we weren't your guests, how much?"
Josh replied, "$95.00 a plate."
I fell over and yelled, "that would be our entire months allowance for food!"
I'm so tacky.

I couldn't accept this gift at first. I have pride issues and accepting this gift would be a big dent in my armor. I also, if you haven't noticed by now, have guilt issues, how could i go to this dinner, & enjoy it knowing the cost. I'm too judgmental and have too many issues to deal with this stuff. So we decided to accept it. Like I tell my clients, it is rare that growth manifests itself from comfortability, I needed to listen to myself.

back track to our opening line.

Every morning at 7:30am Herb, our maintenance guy, opens the door for me into a warm office out of the bitter cold (this past weekend we reached a low of -24 F, which is -31.1 C), asking for muffins, asking me to write out envelopes for him, sneakly faxing documents to his daughter and telling me that one day when he stops putting so much sugar in his oatmeal he is going to start walking the stairs at work with me. Yeah right.

In an ever daily attempt to assimilate with the culture at work, I have found myself pickin' up a phrase here and there that make people laugh to hear a white woman attempt to say. Herb is usually my teacher in this, correcting me when I call him an "old man" to switching it up to "old boy." "What's goin' on?" to "Watcha working with?" - which also usually doubles as "Do you have anything to eat?" you get the drift. Another favorite though was stated above, "You don't know nothin' about me!" which substitutes, "give me a break."

I have to warn you though - the pictures you are about to witness are evidence that "you don't know nothin' about us!"

A purchase from Salvation Army a number of years ago, this is the first time I have worn them. So sassy, I just haven't been able to rid of them. Not wanted to humiliate Josh as his guests I strapped on the heels (they may look like a substantial foundation to walk on but know that they are significantly taller than they are wide) and enjoyed kicking them off once we got home.

Taken looking outside from a balcony overlooking the lobby on one side and the snow outside on the other, Jake and I snuck around on the fifth floor, attempting to find an alcove for some pre-dinner making out.

All day I was so excited about taking photos of the food when it came out, but when the stuffy young money whom wanted to impress their ladies & one amazing older couple who we spent our entire time with talking with guests arrived I got a shot of proper and withheld until three hours later when everyone left us alone to gallivant around in our private dining area in the center of the restaurant. Please take note: Jake's champagne glasses are significantly more full than mine at the end of the night - it was just so sweet and bubbly!

Really, this place was so out of our league, but we had a delightful evening.

Our table was shrouded with rose petals, which I stole a couple of to press. Peeking out behind my pressing book you can see the menu for the evening (which we were able to take home!).

To give Josh a couple props, our menu for the night, minus the champagne selections:

• course 1 - caviar bouchee and creme fraiche with buttered scallop and shaved black truffle,
• course 2 - grilled tenderloin of Berkshire pork with toasted walnuts on butter lettuce, orange vinaigrette,
• course 3 - veal rib chop roasted with acorn squash (jake's favorite) topped with melted cambizola and veal jus, and
• course 4 - poached pear tart with cranberry compote and chantilly creme

Yeah, I can't pronounce two-thirds of these words either.

Thanks Josh & happy everyday of Love everyone.

One of each...
This only seems to happen when Cory is around.
Step 1: wrap something around your head.
Step 2: Put your finger in your nose.
Step 3: Take photo.
Step 4: Repeat.
I know I am going to catch hell for this one, but sleeping with kleenex in your nose is just so cute... but only when you are sick.

a day in the life of.

feb. 1st - the catastrophy

Almost-whole-wheat with apricot goodness.

Polish Fat Tuesday delights.

Polish Fat Tuesday delights.

Polish + bakery = mmmmmm!

Polish + hummus = hmmm.....

Hummus 1 : Jessica 0 : Table 0 : Spoon -1

All you have to do is ask...

Strange Local Flags



Laundry day in the DeBoni/Rozga household means throwing everything in a bucket of detergent, rinsing it in the tub, and hanging it in the kitchen.

Don't get any ideas...

Now don't start thinking that this is a sign that I have started wearing the lipstick in the family.

A new idea.

We have not done a very good job of posting lately, so here is a new idea. Jess wants reasons to practice with our camera, and I like taking random photos. Thus begins the photo-of-the-day portion of this blog.

More than likely this will turn into something more akin to a photo-of-every-3rd-or-4th-day, but at least we are trying.

Today's entrant:

Christmas Delight + New Year's Snow

We have had such a delightful Christmas hanukkah. Beginning with packages in the mail form friends and family to nice long visits with parents and friends from out-of-town. We have had the opportunity to meet new neighbors, celebrate with older friends and come together under the same roof with many Beloved. Through it all we were not the most diligent in remembering our camera. Therefore, the photos are far, few and in between... but for those times in between...

A few days before Christmas some of the little ones came over to decorate cookies and bake muffins with us for the neighbors... it was an all day event and oh my were we ever exhausted! In the end though were smiling faces...


sprinkles that we were picking up on the bottoms of our bare feet for days (read: I'm not he most diligent home-maker)...





and frosting coating the rims of the sink, bridges of the doorways and smeared misterious masterpieces throughout the carpet to add to the beauty.


Christmas Eve we spent playing dominoes with Abuela and her 86 yr. old neighbor who triumphed over anyone in their path to victory. Filled to the brim with chicken, beans, rice and Rosa's delights we headed home to sleep only to wake and find these treasures under our palm tree: a new motorcycle helmet + toasty bathrobe for cold mornings. After our warm breakfast we headed back to the Navarro's for gifts only to make our way back into our home that afternoon for the Ortiz's + fam. to come over and open gifts as well.

Soon after they left, came back and left again Jake and I prepared a feast: spaghetti, fruit salad, green beans from this summer, rotisserie chicken (from Jewel - cornish hens were requested: I laughed at the request), pierogies + sourkraut, cranberry stuffing and a plate of sweets stolen from other neighbors. Together that afternoon into the evening we spent with Eddie at his home, eating, laughing and learning how to be present. Christmas was not without sorrow - our neighbor Nora was punched by her boyfriend over a T.V. and Hilda, who had a period of sobriety, went back to using once again. It was an honor to learn from Eddie on such a holy day how to be present, regardless of time or circumstance.

That evening in 35 degree weather we went for a nice long motorcycle ride and delighted in one another and the gifts we have been given by simply being able to celebrate in the birth of Christ with His most Beloved.

The weekend following my parents came to celebrate the birth of Christ with us by honoring us with many gifts, including Memory (which Jake and I played for far too long this evening). Thanks mom & dad - wish I had a better picture from this weekend to post but you have all the good ones :)

New Years Eve we headed to Indiana to spend the evening and following day with Grandma. With cheese, wine and a late night James Taylor tribute we brought in the new year only to be surprised the next day with over a foot of snow to awake and enchant us with.







Jake & Grandma













Tool shed











Grandma plowing












I've never had so much fun cleaning off a conglomeration of metal in my life.










Sneaking a peak at Grandma.








P.S. Christmas cards are still on the way - I just couldn't bring myself to send them out on time. I couldn't break tradition.