our dusty feet & dirty toes

2011-05-30T19:11:00.002-04:00

It seems as though far too often I begin entires to this blog with, "it's been so long..." And yet - when you look at the last date we posted on this here website (Feb. 4th - 4 months ago!) you'll find that it has indeed been far too long.

But it's a good thing.

It's a good thing that we haven't felt tied to posting.

It's a good things haven't been too exciting.

It's a good thing that most of my writing has been directed here and that my time is filled elsewhere.

It's a good good thing.

And yet - just as the dust settles on our toes, we are up & at em' again.

"What? Didn't you and your family just move?"

Yes, yes we did.

And it has been a great great thing.

Since moving here over six months ago we have been given such life-giving gifts.

Through the Beckley Mommies group I have met some truly wonderful women who share in their desire to love their children fully and sharing life with one another in ways I was not familiar with. Listening to their life stories has taught me how to be a better mom, how to engage as a caretaker & how to love my husband wildly.

We've enjoyed our time with Beckley Presbyterian. It was quite a process to find a church/spiritual community in that we don't necessarily "fit" well. We're awkward, let's admit it. Yet - the associate pastor and a few other women have truly embraced us with love, hospitality & extreme kindness. For their willingness to welcome us so graciously, we are overwhelmingly grateful.

The YMCA & Public Library have also been such wonderful places for us to emerse ourselves within the community, listen & engage in conversations with others and allow ourselves to learn from their lives, their stories, their shared words.

Carpenter's Corner - where we find church. I cannot speak highly enough of the work, love & generosity demonstrated though Carpenter's Corner. Time with them has been a window into what Jesus looks like. We look forward to our time there each week and will miss them all dearly.

And the mountains. How we have loved living in the mountains.

We have learned a lot about ourselves & each other here as well.

We have slowed down.

Taken time.

Rested. Opened up. Listened.

Come to know God.

Our time in Beckley has truly been a gift.

Now the time has come to dust off those toes and clean up those feet because we're off once again.

We're ready to settle for a time. We're ready to live in community again. Grow roots. Join forces.

We're heading north. Toward family. Toward like-minded communities. Toward where we feel as though Jesus would most like for us to be during this season of our lives.

We're feeling very much at ease with this decision to move upward and onward, toward family & friends. This feels right for the "now".

Jake has accepted an offer from a hospital in Grand Rapids, MI and on June 23rd we are packing up and heading out.

Already we are excited about what's before us. Anticipating with great excitement what God has paved the way with. We're ready!

It's with sorrow that we will leave the few good friends we have made during our time here but with deep gratitude we look forward to keeping in touch and continuing to learn from you, our Southern friends. We have learned a lot from and about you. You have been a part in teaching us more about ourselves and about the love of Jesus. Thank you.

We'll miss the mountains, this house, our community and garden (let us mourn for the garden left behind) but are filled with a deep for our home to come.

Beckley - Thank you for the last six months of a life lived well.

Grand Rapids - We look forward to meeting you soon.

2011-02-04T07:09:00.012-05:00

The Other Day.

The other day I was filled with disappointment, once again, as I found that one of my favorite bloggers (and friends) hadn't up-dated her blog - in now what was over a month! How could she deny us of her rich writings and challenging thoughts? I was outraged!

That was up until I realized that it had been over a month since we had spent any time in this space and was quickly put in my place.

Up-date? Here are some highlights from this last month:

I've come to find great joy in preserving. I've dabbled in dehydrating, canning, and preparing/freezing food for our little one (who, as of Feb. 1st. is now basking in the glory of avocados & bananas!). Over time our home has become littered with dried pears, apples, bananas, pineapple, tomatoes, oranges, and green peppers.

Canning has taken on a completely different level of excitement! Tomato spreads, pickled onions, lemon honey jam, spiced apple jam, carrot marmalade, corm relish, gajar ki chutney and many more recipes waiting for the right time! I'm beginning to think I'm becoming addicted.

Our little topless, tie-dyed hippie

And yes, there is all to much knife handling and baby wearing happening at the same time in this house. Yesterday there was even some fire extinguishing mixed in too!

Speaking of addictions though... I've also been on a biscotti making craze: anise & almond, hazelnut, chai, oats & nuts, cinnamon mocha, double chocolate, spiced and a few more I can't recollect right now. Creating is truly invigorating!

Needless to say - much of my time is taken with obsessing over books filled with baking & preserving knowledge & recipes.

That is, of coarse when my time is not taken up with the following:

Yael & I have begun to volunteer at Carpenter's Corner three out of four Mondays a month. It's been such great fun to get to know not only the various volunteers who dedicate an amazing amount of time to preserving (there that word is again!) and caring not ony for the soup kitchen itself but for the participants who come for a warm plate and good conversation three afternoons a week. Needless to say, Yael's hospitality far outweighs mine. She is so gracious with the great number of people who simply just want to love on her. This extended hospitality often comes crashing after our afternoons there and a long nap is the next order of business. Together we are learning so much about our community & community members through this very sacred time together.

one of our afternoon together

Each morning Yeal & I (with Jake tagging along on his days off) make our way to the YMCA and library. It has been such a gift to slowly come to know the women (and a man too, here and there) and children who frequent these community hang-outs. Great conversations have already been happening and help assist me in getting to know our community a wee bit better every day.

On Wednesdays we are finding ourselves spending time with the women from Beckley Mommies. Still, a hard pill to swallow that Beckley Mommies thing. The kicker here is that we're enjoying it! Although we are primarily just listeners during our time with these great moms, we're slowly building relationships and that can't be all that bad, can it?

Speaking of relationships... Jake & I decided that we are going to continue to attend Beckley Pres. We have so much enjoyed not only our times of worship but more importantly, our times together with others who are a part of this congregation. They have been so gracious in inviting us over/out for dinner as well as connecting us with others in the community - such a gift!

Speaking of gifts... due to a number of circumstances we also made three get-aways this past month (I love nurses schedules!). At the beginning of the month we made an unexpected (yet, wonderfully necessary) trip to Chicago to visit one of our favorite families who had just experienced a significant loss in their lives. Our time together with some amazing folks left us missing them all the more.

spending an afternoon with Grandpa D.

Later that month we found ourselves in a remote cabin in the woods with a good friend, some sweet wine and a hot tub on a snowy back porch. What more could one ask for? Let me share that I almost took back our vow to live simply after two nights in the hot tub. There is nothing better on a cool winter weekend.

Lastly, we traveled to Kentucky in late January to spend some time with my parents. We have made a vow to spend time with them at least one time each month before they head back to Michigan in June. Accompanying them at the food pantry I couldn't hold back and let my "grocer daughter" complex rear it's head and was thrilled to stock shelves, bag flour & flax seeds as well as make a grocery run. Nothing better than working grocery.

working in the food pantry with Grandpa R.

So there you have it - in additions to frequent trips to thrift stores and grocery marts, this is how we are spending our time - in addition to the many hours of reading, playing, singing and resting we do in our home.

This rhythm feels right, right now. It's fitting, although may be difficult to get on sometimes, once in the groove it feels good, it feels right.

Thank you for the kind comments on previous entries whether by e-mail, facebook or otherwise. I cannot share with you how very much your love and support have meant during this time of transition. We are so grateful.

I'm beginning to hear the little one waking - off to begin our day!

2010-12-31T10:15:00.007-05:00

Eating Crow

You know you're desperate for friends when you leave the used furniture (yes, we're still sitting in camping chairs and eating off of cardboard boxes) place wishing you would have had the nerve to get the number for your salesman's wife who is a stay-at-home mom of a four year old boy.

Although I appreciate my moments of solitude and periods of time alone in the woods, as Meyers-Briggs so pointedly stated, I am a pure 50 percenter. Not, this kind of 50 percenter, but a 50% extrovert/50% introvert kind of gal. I truly enjoy being with others, listening to stories, sharing in conversation and actually participating in relationships. Yet, I know that the only way I am able to be, or do, any of the above is through intentionally balancing those moments with others with provided quite time in our home, laying on the floor to soak in a good books, walk through the woods or sit on the back porch with a warm cup of tea.

A number of years back when my family was gathering together for the Christmas holiday in Indy my mom shared that she was reserving two rooms for us all to enjoy. I pointed out (thinking of the financial impact) that there were only 7 of us at that time and we could all easily master one room together. Mom & Dad in one bed, Sarah & Gil in another while Allison, Mary & I took residence on the floor - saving $80 some dollars in the end was completely worth it in my mind. When I shared this grand plan with my mom she promptly shared that she would be willing to pay $84 to allow me the space to have some alone time in order for me to be better with everyone together. Nothing more humbling than you're own mom telling you that your emotional and mental needs are a little high maintenance. Thanks mom.

Still, this whole staying at home with Yael and spending up to 13 hours a day with her, and only her, is waring on my mentality. Yes, I am learning. I actually feel as though I'm learning quite a bit - about my daughter, our marriage, how to continue to meet the needs of our home and family. And yet - I need more. My greatest fear is becoming too wrapped up in my home, my family, and Yael so much so that I forget the needs of the world. I have this great fear that Yael may come to embrace a sense of entitlement and selfishness when in truth, she is equal as all others in the world in regards to receiving God's love. How can I show her this though when ALL of my time is spent with her?

So, for my mental, spiritual & emotional health as well as for the hopeful health of Yael I did what I never thought I would ever do - I, Jessica R-D, joined the BeckleyMommies.com, a Beckley Mommies Network Community. And yes, I believe I will be attending my first play-date this coming Wednesday.

This is a big deal. This was/is a humbling move to make for a number of reasons.

I mercilessly poke & prod at Jake for his previous and current involvement with ADV. Although he has made a few really good friends from this on-line community, there is something about it that strikes me as hilarious! Call me old-fashioned (because I truly am in so many ways) but the idea that Jake has "friends" on-line that he has never met and yet they are so gracious in celebrating with him his completion of nursing school, the birth of our daughter, great and memorable motorcycle rides, etc. is so intriguing! They are indeed an on-line community that we have never met (again, with the exception of three really great guys whom we have spent great times with that would sincerely give the shirts off their backs for Jake. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure they would give the shirts off their backs for Yael & I too).

So, when I shared with Jake yesterday the leap of on-line faith I took I received a look that had been coming to me for the last 3 years. I deserved every sarcastic note it contained, every bit of laughter it accompanied and the smile he shot my way could speak no less that a hundred words of playful harassment. I ate crow and there was no going back.

This was also a big deal because "these" women are the women I giggle at. When I was working for GECRC my office was located inside the Glen Ellyn YMCA where, if you know GE, there are mommies abundant with BOB strollers (and yes, we have one), Starbucks in their hands and their hair pristinly done after a Zumba class with like individuals. I don't know why they struck me as such an intriguing group but they did! I never really longed to become part of them, in fact - who even knew, for so many years if I would/could become a mom. And yet, there they were - in masses mind you! Carting, carrying, pushing, strolling so many kids around. This was their life and I couldn't imagine myself entering into this circle. It seemed too foreign, too self-serving - not on the trajectory I would hope my life would take.

And yet here we are and here I am and one of my tasks today is to obtain a YMCA membership the day after I joined the BeckleyMommies online community.

So what now? These movements feel right, these choices to engage in the Beckley community through these avenues fit right now.

Still, there is this nagging weight in the back of my mind reminding me of our belief that we must be intentional to provide a safe foundation for Yael while at the same time continually exposing her to the world through love, service, and whatever other avenues God may provide to teach us how to love a little better.

So with that - this coming Monday I will be e-mailing and/or calling the Carpenter's Corner, the Shepherd's Center and the Fishes & Loaves Food Pantry to see if there is anything Yael & I can do there together. I will also be listening to this weekly program with hopes that it will open my mind a bit more to life here.

And you can bet that I will most likely report back on my experience at the Beckley Mommies play-date. Here goes nothing, or maybe just something...

2010-12-31T07:25:00.003-05:00

Winter Wonders

One of the most significant influences that lead us to move into the hills of West Virginia was the simple desire to grow some roots in a place where we can run in the woods, climb trees and play in rivers & ponds. We wanted to be in a place where Yael can come to know and appreciate the simple joys which only Mother Nature can provide. This past week we have experienced a significant rise in snowfall which has all but melted away after a 48 degree afternoon yesterday.

Our front yard under the large oak tree.

Shoveling with Dad

An afternoon at the park

2010-12-29T09:50:00.004-05:00

Goldilocks & The Good Fit

Three bowls of porridge.
Three wooden chairs.
Three beds.

Of all options available, only one bowl of porridge, one wooden chair, one bed was the good fit that made Goldilocks feel welcome, feel at home, comfortable. I've been thinking a lot about Goldilocks lately as I nurse Yael in the middle of the evenings, go about our day with anticipation for what new relationships or adventures may come our way. Most recently, as we have sought out a new spiritual home in Beckley.

When Jake & I returned to the US after our year over seas we were not quite sure if we wanted to return to the tradition of attending church. It was a difficult spiritual time for the both of us and what we believed we needed most at that time was to rest and seek out spiritual support from outside the church, as we had come to know it.

This resolution lasted a total of 3 weeks until we decided to give it a go and seek out a spiritual home. Soon we found ourselves attending a Presbyterian congregation downtown Chicago. With engaging music and an upper loft to call our own (with the others who were trying to hide away) Grace Chicago was a good fit for the five(ish) months we attended. We could sneak in, receive, let go, and sneak out. No one was the wiser. We were greeted and welcomed a total of two times and although we made efforts to build a few relationships, with the exception of one - they just weren't good fits. We were too raw and they (the church and those we met) were too adapted. We were a mess and knew we needed more. More accountability, more welcoming, more spiritual connectedness, more of Jesus through others.

Enter Wicker Park Grace (WPG). If you are a frequent visitor here you know the impact that Wicker Park Grace has made in our lives. From the first Sunday evening we came to worship we have been welcomed consistently, even when we weren't welcoming ourselves, were at our worst emotionally and/or spiritually or before they began to know how truly messed up Jake & I are.

See, this is why we fell in love with our spiritual community at WPG - they represented Jesus to us. From the parishioners to the services - each element of our relationship with WPG offered us grace, accountability, love and friendship. So much so that it was only contagious to want to pass it on by loving others who entered in, welcoming the strangers, supporting the elderly, feeding the hungry. It became a part of who we have become (both singular & plural).

We fell so deeply in love with WPG that we decided we wanted nothing more than to have Yael baptized through this congregation - accepted forever into this community.

Welcome Goldilocks. When we moved to Beckley we knew it was going to be an exciting (read: difficult) challenge to enter into a congregation as we had experienced and come to love in WPG. Yet, I was up to the challenge. With a knowledge that not attending a church would only hurt us we began to seek out a new spiritual home that fit.

First bowl of porridge: Our first Sunday afternoon in Beckley we attended a "Christmas Around the World" festival at the local Catholic church. What a great time we had! Receiving tastes (both figuratively and tangibly) of Christmas from over 10 different countries - we had a great time meeting the self professed "only Bolivian" woman, the only Syrian family and Philippiano families in Beckley. At first I was sold at going back (and still may) but when I thought of attending a Sunday Catholic mass by myself (which may happen now & again due to Jake's schedule) I felt strangely uncomfortable - not an unwelcoming uncomfortable - simply a personal sense of uncomfortably. This bowl of porridge was too hot.

The week following our move to Beckley we just happen to get lucky with religious services abundant due to the Christmas Holiday. What a delight for a church seeker like me to be able to hit up four, yes - four, religious services in ONE week!

Second bowl of porridge: Wesleyan Chapel - who promptly shared with us upon entering in the front doors, that they were indeed independent and not Wesleyan (?). Okay. This bowl of porridge was too cold the moment it was set down on the table.

First chair: Episcopal Church - on Christmas Eve we participated in a service full of grace and liturgy that filled our hearts with great anticipation for the celebration of the birth of our Love, Jesus. Yet, this chair just felt too small for us to fit comfortably into.

It was at this time that Jake & I had an honest conversation and time of reflection about what we were specifically looking for in a spiritual home & community. We came to find that in our lives and in the space we're bent toward, the single most important factor we were looking forward to was becoming part of a welcoming congregation where we felt comfortable to bring anyone and everyone to church with us, knowing full well that they would be welcomed in the fullest sense.

With that knowledge we decided to attend the free Christmas dinner being hosted by the Methodist Temple on Christmas afternoon. Upon entering Yael was delighted upon (sometimes in a wonderful way, other times in the most annoying manner), we received a gracious (and very tasty!) dinner and we sat, alone, for quite sometime. That was until we resolved to take it upon ourselves and welcome others, in true WPG style. By the end of suppertime we had made great friends with a former Unitarian Minister, Geo, and his partner, Thomas. We also had a wonderful time welcoming Rose into our lives, a woman who has been volunteering at the Christmas supper for over 10 years but does not hold any religious beliefs.

Still, this chair felt too big. And yes, we did exchange numbers with Geo & Thomas.

The following morning Jake needed to work so in a true West Virginia blizzard Yael & I made our way to the PC USA church located in downtown Beckley. I was smitten with them at first site of webpage - they are quite involved in the community by hosting regular gatherings for the elderly, volunteering at the local soup kitchen, amongst other actions centered around welcoming others.

Upon entering Rita came to introduce herself, followed by a line of others within the congregation welcoming both Yael & I. The service was beautiful and message pertinent. What really sold me was the sensation that I could bring the homeless man who walks Hwy. 3 to this church and he would indeed feel welcome.

This porridge tasted just right. This chair fit. I felt as though Jesus could come here and feel truly welcomed.

So this coming Sunday we will attend as a family and see if the bed fits right as well. Because, like Goldilocks, we all need a place to rest. Whether it's spiritually, emotionallyor physically we need a place to rest where we feel welcomed - a important factor for a good fit.

2010-12-25T12:14:00.004-05:00

Merry Christmas!

O sing to the Beloved a new song,
for Love has done marvelous things!
By the strength of your
Indwelling Presence,
we, too, are called to do great things;
we are set free through
Love's forgiveness and truth.
Yes, your steadfast Love
and faithfulness
are ever-present gifts in our lives.
All the ends of the earth have seen
the glory of Love's Eternal Flame.

Make a joyful noise to the Beloved
all the earth;
break forth into grateful song
and sing praises!
Yes, sing songs of praise extolling
Love's way;
lift up your hearts with gratitude
and joy!
Let the voices of all people
blend in harmony,
in unison let the people
magnify the Beloved!

Let the sea laugh, and all that fills it;
the world and those who dwell in it!
Let the waters clap their hands;
let the hills ring out with joy
Before the Beloved, who radiates Love to all the earth.
For Love reigns over the world with truth and justice
bringing order and balance to all of Creation.

Psalm 98, rendered by Nan Merrill in Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness

2010-12-24T07:50:00.005-05:00

Wal-Mart

I have a confession, which shouldn't be too difficult to guess as evidenced by the title of this post. I have officially shopped at Wal-Mart.

Against every cell in my body in our first weeks in Beckley, I made the leap and have made two successful shopping trips to Wal-Mart where, not much to my surprise, I found everything I needed (except leeks in the produce section) at a convenient and low price - just as promised.

Canisters for sugar & flour - ah, that's what wedding gifts are for!
Heavy duty curtain to hang at the back door to catch some of the cold draft
Rugs to soak up the snow and mask the cigarette burns on the carpet
Shower curtain
Trash can for the kitchen - still looking for one to fit the bathroom
Silverware - another wedding gift "Ah Ha!" moment
Etc.
Etc.

It was, in all honesty, a GREAT shopping experience. With Yael in tow we didn't have to shift from store to store, in and out of the car seat, unzip and zip her amazingly cute snowsuit, or even have to engage in the parking challenge over and over and over again. I see how Wal-Mart gets people.

When I was in high school my girlfriend Alissa shared one afternoon, after a trip to Meijer, how great it would be if Meijer would be able to provide and sell everything you need PLUS have a number of flights of condos stacked above it so, if needed, you would never have to leave comfort to get everything you needed. We were in high school then - before we could dissect all that is inherently wrong with this plan. For two naive 10 graders from Eaton Rapids, MI it sounded like a sure-fire money-maker. A way to continue to ease into convenience and comfort. Aside from the condos, Wal-Mart pretty much does this. Wal-Mart provides almost everything one individual born and raised in Beckley may want as well as provide a way to avoid the daily challenges of life and streamline the daily hassles.

I get this. Life is hard here - and I mostly know this through my visits to Wal-Mart, a social hub of Beckley. Jake & I have joked many times already that I get my social needs fixed from going to Wal-Mart. It's true. People fawn over Yael. Men and women, with great frequency, share stories about their kids and grand-kids and how they have all grown up and in some cases moved away. One elderly woman shared, "Aren't they so precious at this age. Enjoy it cause when they grow up they will leave you and never come back." An elderly man admitted, "If I had an opportunity to have kids again there is no way I would - too much in this world to take their joy away." Another man confessed, "I wouldn't have kids in these ages, there's no way they are going to have a good life." All sharing these intimate stories as they touch Yael's hands, grabbing her toes, sharing how beautiful she is and how lucky my husband and I have become.

I often read blogs of idealistic life. Country & markets. Homemade & handmade. Fabrics & crafts. Homeschooling & unschooling. I have batted around with how to even make our blog more up-lifting in this manner - give it a little bit more spirit, lighten it up a bit. But I have come to accept that this is not how I'm bent. I'm bent to listen to the stories of the men & women who shop at Wal-Mart. I'm bent to truly hear their stories and carry them with me. I'm bent with the need to share them, their hurts and joys if only to raise my awareness of the many more who share this same trajectory of life.

Born into a rural community, married and/or divorced with kids, blue-collar employment, loss through the trails of poverty, often experiencing life the best they know how with the limited education available. And yet, one thing bring them together - shopping at Wal-Mart. Because this one thing in life, shopping, can be easy. Although it may not be the most ethical choice nor the most educated option - it is easy. And when your kids have left you, regrets run amuck in our memory and your worldview is limited and full or sorrow, such deep sorrow that you're willing to share it, pass it along to a complete stranger - an easy visit to Wal-Mart may possibly ease life's pains a bit more, just for today.

A memorial decal adorns a truck sitting in a parking lot of a Wal-Mart in Beckley, W. Va.
Thank you Washington Post

So although my conscious just won't allow me to become a frequent patron of Wal-Mart, I believe I have much to learn, simply from my two visits there.

And no, I still haven't found a trashcan that will fit into our bathroom.

2010-12-12T16:44:00.003-05:00

Southern West Virginia & Us

It's hard to imagine that it's been over two months since we have touched this blog. This is not to say that we have not entertained the idea of posting an up-date every now and again. Yet, the time never seemed right, the internet connection never consistent nor the space of time ever provided. Too many good things to make ourselves sit down and write.

In addition, I have had a tumultuous relationship with this format of communication (meaning this blog). Still, many have asked us when we are going to up-date our blog. I have shared with them my struggle to begin writing again within a public format but did not feel a sense of resolution in letting it go completely.

So I have been thinking - what do I want this blog to become? Do I want it to become a format which I communicate the daily happenings of my life with Jake & Yael? Should I begin to write more about the causes of the world which both Jake & I feel so deeply about? Is this a space that I should just keep to myself and use it as a means to write about my personal journey in this new stretch of life? Or, as I have decided to do, should I use this space as a means to share with our many friends and family about our new life in the Appalachian mountains of Southern West Virginia.

Having recently found myself with a couple of days to reflect of our move to Beckley, WV I have found myself feeling more free. I have come to find that our life in Chicago, although full of wonderful and life-giving friends, was too big, and yet too confining for me. Our circles of friends was too big and I felt stretched too far to keep up. And yet, the community - in it's natural(?) state was too confining. So much concrete and so little grass. I remember many weekends when I would naturally want to send our care packages, return calls, visit friends or engage my creativity - I simply didn't have the energy to do so. I simply needed to rest.

So with that current reflection in the forefront of my mind - I want to keep the following goals for my new life as a stay-at-home mom, a nurturer to my husband and a participate in the Beckley community:

a) I want my circle to remain small(ish). I want to know deeply and learn from a small group of people - be them my neighbors, friends, spiritual community, YMCA members, people I engage with in the grocery store. I need for my circle to remain small.

b) The median income for the Beckley community is a smidge over $29,000. This is not a wealthy community - it's a coal mining community in the hills of a community experiencing generational poverty. I want to learn more about our community, the lives of those who live here. What are their personal stories which they care for?

c) There are also generations of crafty people, comfort food and great music (thanks Rachel!) here. I want to spend time learning how to engage the folk art presence in the lives of those who practice here and learn how to make some good ole' Appalachian food. There are cookbooks upon cookbooks of traditional dishes and yet - a community based, privately owned restaurant is hard to come by/doesn't exist in Beckley. Why is such a socially rich community taken over with chains and big business?

d) Lastly, I want to know more about the Beckley community as a whole through the local news, current events and people. There is a lot going on here politically and socially and yet - I haven't noticed any socially orientated groups who advocate or provide for social needs one way or another. Where is social activism taking place?

So, in the midst of trying to find a space to hold myself accountable for becoming part of this community and trying to find a way to bring new life to this blog - this is what it will look like in the coming weeks/months. We hope you'll stick around, learn a bit about our new life in Beckley, the community who lives here and the social issues surrounding each of us in the Appalachian mountains of Southern West Virginia.

2010-09-30T18:06:00.008-04:00

Wow, what a few months. After the announcement of Yael's birth we have experienced quite the adventure and we wanted to follow up with the continuation of the story. The most important part? Our daughter, Yael Marie DeBoni was borh at 11:51am, Thursday, August 5th, 2010. 7 pounds 1 ounces, 19 1/2 inches and as healthy as can be.

About her name:
Yael's first name isn’t after anyone, we just really like the name and it seems to fit our little one. We first came across this name after finding a kinship with the artist Yael Niem. Not long after we asked our friend Cory if he had a fondness for any girls names. In reply he shared that he had always loved the name Yael. It is a Hebrew name and is pronounced “ya-el" not like the school yale. Her middle name comes from Jake's paternal side where there are a number of Marie's canvasing the family tree.

That’s the nuts and bolts, if your interested in the long version then here it goes:

After a consistently healthy pregnancy we were looking forward to our hopeful delivery at the West Suburban Medical Center's Alternative Birthing Center (ABC). We had made the decision at the onset of our pregnancy to deliver our little one into the world through the means of an ABC with a midwifery practice. As we progressed through our pregnancy and found that my body was responding well to pregnancy we knew we had made a choice that presented well for us.

For those who are not familiar with an ABC: An ABC is a low intervention/natural birthing center connected to a hospital. The ABC connected with West Suburban Hosp. was a large room outfitted with a number of alternative birthing tools (birthing stool, tub, ball, etc.) used to make the natural birthing process more comfortable. Yet, if an unexpected circumstance presented itself, we were at the hands and in the location of medical intervention if needed.

We decided to use a midwife as our primary caregiver for a number of reasons. My sister, Allison, is a certified midwife and through the years has helped increase our education of the birthing process and how the care of a midwife differs from that of an OBGYN. Through her support and our efforts and desire to welcome our little one into the world in the most natural setting we were given the honor to work with Women's Healthy Center in Forest Park, IL. If you're in the area and need a midwife - we could not recommend them enough.

Fastforward 40 weeks and 1 day.

At 2:00am on the morning of August 4th I began to experience the sensation of my water breaking. Within 30 mins. it was affirmed that my water did indeed break. One of our midwives shared with us not long ago that we were welcome to ignore the early stages of labor. Yes, "ignore". So that's exactly what we did. We let the contractions come and go and took time to rest with each other. At 7:00am we called the midwife to share with her our news. She asked us how far apart our contractions were only to be reminded that she told us to ignore them - laughter ensued. As the morning progressed, as did my contractions. It was such a beautiful time together for both Jake & I to enjoy one another and rest in the arrival of our little one. Although my contractions were progressing they were not progressing enough and at 2:00pm we made our way to our midwives office only to discover that we were only 2 1/2 cm along. We were sent home and asked to meet another midwife at the hospital at 7:30pm. For the next five hours we continued to care for our little one by caring for each other. We had dinner together, went on long walks (okay, let's be honest - they were really short walks that seemed like eternity when experiencing contractions ever 3-7 minutes.), and rested in the hope of new life to come.

Upon our admission into the hospital we continued to experience a number of, let's call them set-backs. My body was proving to be stubborn and a bit confused (keep your comments to yourself!) as my contractions were progressing and regressing consistently between 2-10 mins. with varying digressing of intensity. All in all, after 34 hours of labor and an immeasurable amount of support from my beloved husband Jake, Yael was born and we became parents.

I know several of you are into birth stories so here’s what happened with a bit more detail, anyone else is welcome to skip this paragraph! For starters the hospital and our midwives were great. They were beyond patient and attentive, giving time for and suggesting many techniques throughout labor. I was encouraged and simply allowed to enjoy (enjoyment is all relative when you're giving birth, right?) the birthing process. I never felt rushed or pushed into doing something that didn’t seem right to us. We had hoped for no interventions but when, after 33 hours, my contractions slowed way down we were encouraged to start a low dose of pitocin since the waters had been broken for so long and my body was quickly loosing steam.

This is where I have the honor of sharing those who helped make giving birth to our beautiful daughter possible. At the beginning of our pregnancy we had asked our good friend Rebecca to be present at Yael's birth. It was our hope that with Rebecca by our side Jake could enjoy being a father and husband without having to think about being an advocate if circumstances presented so. On the morning of the 5th Rebecca joined us in the ABC and quickly found her place by my side, helping me push and offering encouragement. She was the first to share with us that Jake & I had a girl and the first to announce that after hours of pushing "we finally had an ear!".

On the morning of the 4th Jake & I had called our parents to share that their grandchild was on their way. With just over five hours of driving ahead of them my parents decided that if they started on their way that afternoon they would get to Chicago just in time to welcome our little one. Little did they know... My parents arrived that evening only to find us in the triage room. That evening my mom stayed with us in the ABC room, quietly praying in the rocking chair and stepping in for Jake the few times he used the restroom. Her role was instrumental in sharing through the wisdom of giving birth to myself and three sisters that I would get through this, I would deliver our child and I did have the strength to do it.

Jake never left my side. From 2:00am the previous morning through today, Jake has never left my side. He was the one to never let go of my hand or leave my sight. It goes without saying that when you choose to share your life with someone you choose to do exactly that - share life with them. With endless gratitude to God, that is what we had the honor of doing throughout her birth, share in life together to welcome another life into ours. If you would like to hear more about Yael's birth story from Jake's perspective I'm sure he would be happy to share his thoughts with you.

At the beginning of our pregnancy both Jake & I were looking forward to giving birth together with no additional support in the room outside of our midwife. We could not be more pleased to have been so wrong in our hopes. In retrospect, I can now not image giving birth without Rebecca, my mom & Jake. As we welcomed Yael into our life, our community, our world we are so grateful to have had these very values that we hold so tightly be those that made her birth possible.

After announcing her full name for the first time Yael was placed in our arms and Jake was able to cut the umbilical cord. For the next 24 hours we were given the gift of never having to leave her side. We were able to celebrate Yael's life with both sets of new grandparents and enjoy many hours of sleep and precious rest for the first time in 34 hours.

On the afternoon of the 6th we went home as a new kind of family. Now exactly seven weeks later we have experienced quite a number of adventures in our short time together. Jake passed his boards, I officially quit my out of home employment, we said good-bye to our friends in Chicago and are now resting in the North woods of Michigan until the next adventure. Currently we are enjoying our time with family and friends, Jake is diligently looking for a job, we are finding our daily routine, going on long walks and immeasurably enjoying the presence of Yael in our lives.

As a family we are thriving and experiencing a new love together. For all the thoughts, prayers, well wishes and vibes that you and others have sent us we cannot even hope to fully express our gratitude. The love of God demonstrated through family and friends has sustained us, Thank you.

- Jake, Jess & Yael

2010-09-23T11:02:00.002-04:00

Yes, we have been completely negligent of the blog over the past 6 or 7 weeks.
No, we have not been negligent of our new little addition.
Yes, we have an amazing little video for you.

Yes, she really is that cute and amazing.

2010-08-14T11:16:00.002-04:00

Mom and dad couldn't be more proud:
August 5th, 2010.
Yael Marie, welcome to the world.

2010-07-29T15:29:00.005-04:00

A quick taste of life.
Together we have had some beautiful moments over the past two weeks. Here is a quick taste of some of the goodness we have had as we wait with anticipation for our little one to make its way into the world.

the fruits of many laborers who welcome us so wonderfully at the Oak Park farmers market. i cannot say enough wonderful things about this community market.

two weeks ago jake & i spent the morning picking blueberries on our way to visit his parents. Indiana berries aren't bad, but they simply are not MI blueberries.

part of my summer responsibilities include making sure that little kids from our program get off to norman b. barr camp (who offers us this service for free!) alright and arrive home safely. last year was our first year taking this chance and a tradition it has become! due to scheduling, we were unable to attend last year. this year though - with our summer programming changing dates Jake and I were able to head up north for a couple of days to spend time with kids and wake to a sunrise like this on our four year anniversary.

although you can't tell depth here - know that jake's hands were struggling to get around this growing little one inside.

the following afternoon my parents surprised us with a quick visit to Glen Ellyn on their way home from KS. ladies & gentleman, if you are ever in Glen Ellyn and have a hankering for some sweet treats and supporting a community based organization - make your way to Bells & Whistles Snackery. it will be worth the stop.

lastly, we had the gift of welcoming so many wonderful friends into our home the last few weeks before we officially become three. a special treat through was delivered in the package of Mrs. Bowen and Jess (more about Jess and her amazingness coming soon)!

we also have had some very unwanted guests as well!
tomato caterpillars -
you have no home here!

2010-07-11T05:22:00.007-04:00

Summer Lovin' Continued...

Morning coffee with Mike & Ashley

Living in a world of finger puppets is sometimes a scary thing.

Giving our little one some love.

Family relaxing.

Our morning in the woods.

2010-07-05T06:17:00.007-04:00

Friends & Family

He/We are done! Outside of taking his boards Jake has officially completed his program, CRT, supervision & all. To celebrate this accomplishment and the beauty of friendships built during this time many of us gathered together at Belmont Harbor to say farewell one last time before heading our separate ways.

This weekend we're relaxing (and learning to relax) by the pool, enjoying the vitamin D that is aplenty and spending sweet time with friends & family.

2010-06-30T22:48:00.006-04:00

A taste of the last few weeks...

Strawberry & vegetable picking.

Cleaning and celebrating swollen toes, ankles & strawberries.

An evening with Pam & Tom.

A beautiful rainy visit with Rachel.

Reuben cooling down.

A surprise visit to a Chicago Cubs game w/ Rebecca & Jacob.

An afternoon D&D date with Malachi, Sarah & Gil.

Malachi dancing with his cousin.

We continue to be so grateful for the small things that make for wonderful summer afternoons...

2010-06-15T16:18:00.006-04:00

Showers.

Three weeks ago Lincoln School threw a surprise shower for Jake, I & the little one. Sorry no pictures yet (waiting on them to come my way) - yet, it was a wonderful to time celebrate with and receive such great support from those who I work with on a day-to-day basis. I was overwhelmed at the generosity each co-worker shared through such kind and personal gifts.

Two weeks later we attended a shower celebrating the welcoming of our little one with Jake's family and a few good friends who live in N. Indiana.

Leslee & Darcee (two former - note, not old - babysitter) plus their little ones + mom.

Alison & I

Part of the afternoon was an opportunity for guests to offer Jake & I a bit of, what we'll call, "advice". I have to share - some of the best words came from the little ones celebrating with us.

"Please make the baby laugh. It keeps them happy. When you feed the baby, smile a lot. Talk to the baby and read to the baby. Give the baby lots of hugs and kisses. Take lots of walks and look at flowers. Listen to the birds on your walk."

"A way to survive diaper changing - spray cologne or perfume on a sock, and tie it around your face! P.S. This is a technique my dad used when changing my little brother."

Leslee surprise us with a beautiful cake - such a special treat! If you're in the South Bend area and need a delicious AND beautiful cake - we have a referral for you!

Jake's aunt and two cousins were the ones to put on such a beautiful and welcoming shower where all felt welcome to celebrate the upcoming birth of our little one. We are so grateful for their kindness, generosity and intentionality at making us feel such peace about our new family and the support we have in this new journey.

I'm quite remiss that we were not more intentional at taking pictures that involved more of Jake's family - many from whom we received such special gifts. When we get a moment, we'll see if we can scrounge some up and share with each of you.

That evening we all went to visit Annie & Shorty - two dear friends of Jake's paternal grandma & grandpa. Shorty turns 100 on Aug. 14th and as smart as a whip with sharing stories dating back pre WWII and a sense of humor that would shake anyone's belly.

When we pulled into Jake's parents we saw this front end plate on a van parked across the street. Such sweet memories of when we were younger and told to get our "dupa's into bed!" came flooding back.

2010-06-12T11:08:00.008-04:00

Friends, Family & Vans

Over the last month or so we have been traveling to and fro to spend time with friends and family, keeping on the road with work related adventures and continuing to prepare and celebrate the up-coming arrival of our little one.

Here are some snap-shots of our time with my parents a month or so ago celebrating my mom's birthday/retirement/mother's day, Jake's graduation and father's day.

Our time home was a welcoming one with many trips down the river, visits to the celery nursery, walks in the woods and enjoying life's celebrations and seasonal transitions.

Our first stop was to visit with my cousin Chad whom we haven't seen since our wedding day when he so graciously documented our beautiful day. It was wonderful to spend time with him and catch up on the last four years of our lives.

After surprising my mom at school on her birthday we headed home to begin to preparing dinner with Dad. Highlighted gifts: Biking helmet (Because doesn't everyone look hotter in a helmet?) & vegetable steamer.

The following afternoon Jake & I were able to spend time with Rene & the little ones playing in the backyard, eating goldfish (the crackers, not the fish), and simply enjoying each others company.

I love the little hands poking up into this picture.

During our weekend away we were also fortunate to have a morning to spend with the coffee guys at Crankers. Such a beautiful time to catch up with old friends.

On an unrelated note: We also bought a van. Yes, a van. With plans unfolding for a Michigan tour up north and a moving adventure out West (following the Oregon Trail perhaps?) we decided that it would be in our best interest to invest in a van, convert it into a home/storage space/way of transportation as we pray and try to figure our where to next. Here are a couple shots of our, what Jake has begun to call, hot dog.

Oh... the beautiful Red Hot Dog (although I think most of us know that if it were a true hot dog the color would be yellow w/ white specks for mustard & onions).

The "backyard" - as seen above.

In total: Jake has stripped out the shelves (both good & bad); removed, dried and cleaned the flooring; added new Master Lock hasps and locks; rewired the entire front dash complex (crappy wiring); cleaned and reattached the air filter system and mass airflow sensor; bought, cleaned and painted a spare tire; changed the lights (everywhere); bought a new battery; cleaned, fixed and redid the air filter box complex; fixed the coolant system; done a deep cleaning in both the inside and outside; is anticipating replacing the water pump in the coming weeks; begun to build/plan for making an elevated bed in the back and best of all -

Jake & his brother were able to find this beauty of a middle seat in the junkyard - a perfect match - so we can travel across the lands with the little one between us.

I think he may be nesting.

More pictures from baby showers coming soon.

2010-05-18T04:50:00.010-04:00

DeBoni Family + Graduation Gown = Weekend Celebration

- Jake & Nathaniel man nurse style -

- I cherish this picture of Marea, Jake & Grandma-

-Nathaniel, Marea, Jake & I-

-the little one was full of active excitement during the graduation ceremony-

-Jake & Jason-

-it was wonderful to spend the weekend with Grandma and catch sweet moments like these-

-Jake + Parents-

-From prerequisite buddies to grad friends + 2 amazing spouses-

-Larry, Jason, Grandma and Beth waiting for the ceremony to begin-

-"bros first" as Jake would say. Nathaniel, Chris, Jake and Peter-

-Jake and his handmade cedar nursing pin-

-DeBoni family on a Sunday morning walk-

2010-05-14T11:38:00.009-04:00

Photos!

A couple of photos from recent weeks:

Two weekends ago we had a wonderful visit from our good friends Cory (who just received some MAJOR awards!) and Sarah (who is MAJORLY awesome!).

Putting the boys to work in preparation for a work-related field-trip.

That very same weekend we were able to escape into the woods of Wisconsin (stop the snickering) with some good friends.

The following weekend we were gifted with being able to host our wonderful friend (yes, it's evident that we have a lot of wonderful & good good friends), Rach.

As part of our weekend we delighted in being able to celebrate the union between Amy & Chris. Such a beautiful wedding and simple celebration of love.

(L-R: me, Rebecca {who just agreed to be our birth advocate/friend at the time of delivery}, Amy, Rachel & Jessi {who is due with her first child mid-June!})

I am a little obsessed with this little one and yes, we dance together often.

Time together before the wedding.

The following afternoon Jason joined us for a day downtown. It was such a gift to welcome him into our day of rest to simply be with. Thanks Jason for joining us - we loved having you!

2010-05-10T05:02:00.003-04:00

Growing Heart

In January as my mom was in the beginning stages of cleaning out her classroom as she prepares for retirement she came across the following quote she later passed my way:

Making a decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. (Elizabeth Stone)

Back in January my body hadn't changed too much at that time - clothes were fitting tighter, aversions to certain foods were stronger. But this idea of forever having my heart walk outside of my body was an idea, a philosophy, a thought of "really?" as I read over and through this quote time after time, not able to truly grasp what Elizabeth could be intending to convey/communicate about her ideas of motherhood/parenting.

In February I began wearing maternity clothing. February 20th I felt our child move inside for the first time as I laid in bed beside my Beloved, waking to a home filled with friends - experiencing new life.

In March I began wearing form fitting shirts. My breasts were (and still are) growing, my belly expanding, my hips adjusting. Evidence was growing that our lives were changing, my heart was supporting another, my choices were impacting another, my lungs were bringing new life to another and my body was growing into a haven for another life.

In April our little one began dancing. Naturally, we began a new routine to our morning and evening together of listening to this new life with our hands, hearts, and laughter in the midst of the miracle maturing in this body.

A month ago this morning I shared with my Board of Directors that following the birth of our child I will not be returning to my position. A week later we sold my motorcycle and began packing our apartment into boxes - preparing to move to a place where we can rest and call home.

Three weeks back as Jake & I were laying on the couch, listening to each other, communicating with one another our feelings related to these slow & steady changes our little one began to dance. With instinct I lifted my shirt and we watched for the first time our child move within. My skin adapted, my shape manipulated, my spirit connected and although I have always known that a love for our child would come - as we laid on the cough that evening as a family I could not help but wonder what we would continue to grow and look like as our heart began to grow into something greater than the two of us combined.

Our heart continues to grow, able to experience our spirits and listen to our voices, developing the skills needed to walk around outside of our bodies, experience the world on his/her own terms and listen to the small voice of love growing inside.

This morning our little one woke me with a jab to my lower right abdomen. He/She is thriving as we continue to celebrate, wonder, grieve and celebrate over and with this new life preparing itself for love and life on behalf of others and within.

Our heart is growing & learning as we look forward to cherishing and protecting committed moments such as these together.

2010-04-24T17:13:00.003-04:00

Week 25

A morning @ the conservatory & one active little one:

2010-04-18T17:17:00.006-04:00

Gettin' Bigger & Better

- thank you TW200 for two years of memories. I'll miss you. -

- thank you Spring for making me feel better -

- thank you Bleeding Heart Bakery for making me bigger -

2010-04-15T09:08:00.005-04:00

I am a pretty visual guy. I am also a numbers guy. Last week while I was sitting in a clinic waiting to see a patient I had with me a growth chart for fetal weight while still in utero. The idea is that you look up your weeks along in pregnancy and reference it to a chart that tells you approximately how much the fetus should weigh, how long it is, and a few other vital statistics. Just looking at the numbers I could tell there was a great curve, but I just had to plot it out to see it.

So here it is. Below is a chart that plots weight in lbs. over weeks in the pregnancy.

It is a rather logarithmic curve, not a linear one, and as would be expected, near the beginning of the pregnancy the fetus weighs almost nothing. In fact, it weighs less than a pound until around week 23 out of 40. But somewhere around week 25 to 27, the weight just explodes, the gain accelerates and takes off; the very nature of a logarithmic curve.

In the version below, I think you can guess where Jess is on the graph.

So, being the amazing husband that I am, I pointed this out to her. I will let you guess what her reaction was.

Get ready.

2010-04-03T02:18:00.005-04:00

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

- Mary Oliver

2010-03-24T09:59:00.002-04:00

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

2010-03-21T21:12:00.007-04:00

Nine days ago, a student in my doula course brought me a beautiful bouquet of white lilies which I put into a vase full of water. I pointed out to the doulas that some of the flowers had "fully dilated" and were displaying their exuberant female genitalia while others were closed up tight or just a fingertip dilated. I asked the students what they thought might happen if I "helped" the closed ones to open a bit by manipulating the delicate petals. They were horrified at the thought, of course, and were completely confident that the flowers would work things out on their own.

The flowers were left to themselves and gave off a lovely aroma to those who came in and out of the office through the week. On the fifth day that they were in my care, they served as a model for a midwifery course on the vulva, vagina and cervix. Still a few of these flowers seemed to be stuck in "failure to progress". They were unyielding and refusing to open.

This morning I went into the office and noticed that some of the lilies had turned brown. These were the early bloomers and, as I picked them off and discarded them, I noticed that every single blossom had fully and perfectly bloomed. The office had been closed for three days. The bouquet of lilies had been alone, dark and unassisted and all had bloomed into full beauty and splendor. They had only received one big drink of water when I originally put them into the vase.

These flowers are such a beautiful metaphor for having faith in the perfection of birth.

Gloria Lemay, Vancouver

2010-03-07T10:02:00.001-05:00

I think I've found the song for the next five months.

Love, Love, Love...

2010-02-25T12:59:00.002-05:00

IN THE BEGINNING

In the morning when Eve and Adam
woke to snow and their minds,
they set out in marvelous clothes
hand in hand under the trees.

Endlessly precision met them,
until they went grinning in time
with no word for their close
escape from that warm monotony.

- Jack Gilbert

2010-02-10T20:50:00.004-05:00

She started to sing. "'Keep the home fires burning,'" she sang in a thin, reedy voice, and slowly the others joined her. As I walked toward the lodge they began other songs, going quickly after a few bars from one to the next. They sang of wars they never fought, of losses they have never sustained. They were singing, forgetting the words, appropriating the harmony for themselves, convinced of a heroic desolation, toasting their sadness in the big campfire like another marshmallow. "'It's a long way, '" they sang, "'to Tipperary.'" It is indeed, I thought.

2010-02-01T09:12:00.007-05:00

Congo

Orphaned, Raped and Ignored

By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF

Published: January 31, 2010

"Sometimes I wish eastern Congo could suffer an earthquake or a tsunami, so that it might finally get the attention it needs. The barbaric civil war being waged here is the most lethal conflict since World War II and has claimed at least 30 times as many lives as the Haiti earthquake."

Take a look. Really. I'm personally grateful and overwhelmed with gratitude which the media, grassroots groups and various NPO have put forth to address the on-going concerns post earthquake in Haiti. But where was I when Haiti, the most poverty stricken country in Western Hemisphere, was simply a country of poverty?

Where will I be when Congo gets hit by a natural disaster, or even worse, a disaster induced by men? Will I be living there to address the needs of the community or will I simply send money, post things on facebook, watch celebrity pledge drives because it's sexy and the right thing to do. It's the current cause and that has to be okay because it's also the right thing to do - to respond with love, attention and tangible assistance.

This article has encouraged/challenged/convicted me that sometimes enough is simply just not enough.

More excerpts:

A displaced family near Kalehe, eastern Congo. The area has been suffering for a dozen years from a brutal and complex civil war. More than one million people were displaced by fighting there in 2009 alone, according to the United Nations.

Utukufu Nabuziralo is homeless and, perhaps, a widow. Rebels attacked and burned her village in November, she said, and killed five people in front of her. Then the rebels led her husband into the forest, and she didn't know if he was still alive. At one point, Utukufu said she had been raped, but at another she said she had been only beaten. She is holding her baby, Chiza.

2010-01-24T20:47:00.005-05:00

so i have this beautiful cousin.

so i have this beautiful cousin who does beautiful things in the world to make the world a little... well, a little more beautiful. you can follow her work on the Harambee Arts Blog or at real deal web-site: Harambee Arts.

In case you need a quick synopsis before you head on over to their web-site, we have one for you!

Harambee Arts: Let's Pull Together partners with African grassroots programs to train local caregivers to provide art programs for vulnerable children in an environment that fosters their sense of joy, creativity and exuberance. Through its arts programs, Harambee Arts strives to promote the well-being of homeless, orphaned and other neglected children, enhance the stability of their families and support systems, and develop their sense of self-worth and positive personal ethics by creating opportunities for children to help other children.

Really, you should trust us on this one - take time and check it out: Harambee Arts

2010-01-22T06:36:00.004-05:00

Hand & Cloth

if you're looking to give a most beautiful gift for a most wonderful occasion or to a most wonderful personwe really strongly suggest you consider visiting Hand and Cloth and purchasing one of their handmade throws.

Some quick facts about how amazing of an organization this is:

our mission
Through creative enterprise and the transforming love of Jesus Christ, we seek to empower women to begin new lives.

our work
Hand and Cloth works holistically with young women from Calcutta (Kolkata), India to address their needs as they seek to begin new lives outside of red-light areas. One of our starting points is to provide alternative employment. Using the kantha stitch, the young women create kantha dorokha, a traditional two-sided quilt made from recycled sari material. These kantha throws are then sold in the United States. Hand and Cloth provides school fees and tutors for the young women and also offers regular Bible studies.

our vision
Old Testament writers used the Hebrew word רפא (rapha) to refer to healing, especially divine healing. More literally, rapha means to sew together or to stitch. And so our name, Hand and Cloth, is an image not only of the creative work these women are doing, but also of the creative, healing work God is doing in their lives. As each product is handmade by a woman, our hope is that she would come to know that she is handmade by God.

Really, think about it. Great people are doing great things for great people and it would be an honor for you to join this circle of love.

2010-01-13T17:02:00.002-05:00

Charter for Compassion

Charter for Compassion

The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves. Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.

It is also necessary in both public and private life to refrain consistently and empathically from inflicting pain. To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism, or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others—even our enemies—is a denial of our common humanity. We acknowledge that we have failed to live compassionately and that some have even increased the sum of human misery in the name of religion.

We therefore call upon all men and women ~ to restore compassion to the centre of morality and religion ~ to return to the ancient principle that any interpretation of scripture that breeds violence, hatred or disdain is illegitimate ~ to ensure that youth are given accurate and respectful information about other traditions, religions and cultures ~ to encourage a positive appreciation of cultural and religious diversity ~ to cultivate an informed empathy with the suffering of all human beings—even those regarded as enemies.

We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarized world. Rooted in a principled determination to transcend selfishness, compassion can break down political, dogmatic, ideological and religious boundaries. Born of our deep interdependence, compassion is essential to human relationships and to a fulfilled humanity. It is the path to enlightenment, and indispensible to the creation of a just economy and a peaceful global community.

http://charterforcompassion.org/

2010-01-06T07:07:00.008-05:00

Home Again.

After a most wonderful two week road trip we're back in the saddle again and into the daily routines of life. More later - but in the meantime, here are a couple of pictures from our adventures (not necessarily in order).

Twin Falls, ID

Somewhere in our travels in Idaho.

Devil's Tower, WY

I just love this shot - good ole' wildlife breaking the barriers in WY.

Jake @ the Badlands in SD.

New Year's Eve with our homies in the Springs.

Tina and Superman (in disguise).

Scrambling has to be one of our favorite activities.

Horse-thieves, all of them!

Knee-deep in luscious mountain style love.

2009-12-19T04:13:00.003-05:00

Having a Most Wonderful Holiday Season

We're sorry for the delay in up-dates but life has been a bit full lately. With Holiday gatherings, time with friends and family, preparing, presenting, planning, school finals and celebrating we continue to look forward to what is to come.

This morning we head out west for two weeks of playing, exploring and simply enjoying the mountainous woods. If you scroll out a bit you can see the route we intend to track up.

View Larger Map

We look forward to sharing our time with you upon our return. Have a most peaceful and joyful Holiday Season.

2009-11-20T10:13:00.003-05:00

Hi folks,

I wanted to let you know about two special events that Jake and I are attending this holiday season. We are placing this invite up here because you are a group of people that I like to see and/or catch up with and/or hang out with. We would love it if you joined us for one or both of these events. Both are hosted by our church but I want to tell you, in a very vehement fashion, that this is not at all an attempt to convert anyone. I'm inviting you because these types of things are more fun if my friends are there.

1. Wicker Park Grace Love Feast

Every year, our church community gathers and brings our friends to our annual Love Feast, which is our special Thanksgiving celebration. We bring potluck and many of us try to donate what we would have spent on a nice dinner out. This donation doesn't go to operating expenses; it always goes to folks in need. Also, it's totally optional and only a secondary or tertiary part of the evening. The primary reason we get together is to celebrate and give thanks for a year full of friends and blessings by eating yummy food. The Love Feast this year is this upcoming Sunday at 5:00. We'll start with a short (30 minutes?) vespers service and then dig in to the feasting and fun. I'd love it if you came. We'll be at 1741 N. Western and you can definitely contact me if you want more details about types of food to bring or other questions.

2. Embodying the Change: World AIDS Day Ubuntu Benefit Soiree

This fundraiser benefits work being done by friends of our community in South Africa to combat the effects of the AIDS pandemic. There will be art, performances, music, food, drink and kibbitzing. It will be on Saturday, December 5, starting at 7:00 at 1741 N. Western. Tickets are a donation are a sliding scale of what you can afford ($10-$25) and can be bought at the door or ahead of time through paypal. See the website for more information: www.wickerparkgrace.net

Thanks for considering both of these events. I know the holidays are always hectic but we wanted to reach out to you because I believe both of these events will have the space to actually spend time with one another and will be much fun. If neither of them work, please email us back so that we can figure out some other way to hang out.

*Thanks Rebecca for letting me steal some of your words!

2009-11-12T09:25:00.006-05:00

a couple days in the woods.

: dad "hunting" - or so he calls it :

: thanksgiving dinner with family & friends :

: an evening around the fire :

: pie for breakfast :

: our cabin & lake michigan :

: a morning walk on the Manistee riverwalk :
: a beautiful walk on the Mainstee pier with friends & fishermen :

: pure delight :

2009-11-03T08:00:00.020-05:00

Family Times

-baked beans w/ BBQ-

-our new nephew, Malachi-

-a beautiful autumn afternoon with family-

-family (we missed you Mary!)-

-two of my favorite gals-

-for some reason i love this shot of jen & i-

-completely unrelated but very relevant, richard posted these pics of gracie & amelia + a walking house and a leashed bunny. both made me laugh uncontrollably and needed to be posted-

2009-10-25T17:59:00.003-04:00

:a corner with a view:

:a few precious moments from our weekend:

:the best representation of our neighborhood:

off to prepare dinner to eat with our neighbors...

2009-10-17T15:42:00.007-04:00

the last couple of weeks.

these past four+ weeks have really flown by! with great company by our side we have enjoyed early mornings, late nights, and weekends with both friends and family.

although i always forget to take pictures when they are around, i always have my camera as my companion when physically alone. enjoy.

a beautiful deeply colored mum for our home this fall.

filling our home with sweet autumn liquids as we prepare for an evening around the fire with good good friends.

after a 30 mile ride up lake shore drive we found a deliciously wonderful community cafe' where we feasted on a huge breakfast burrito & almond, walnut, cashew berry whole wheat pancakes + coffee. yummmm!

as Rebecca would say, "and then there was this..." what a beautiful marriage, friendship & ceremony to be a part of.

two handsome guys.

herman stretching high for the sun. he's going to have a long, long winter ahead of him.

oak park farmer's market finds.

today we're busy making squash, pumpkin, sewing gaiters, packaging packages due over a month ago, buying halloween costumes for the kids in my program and enjoying long walks in cool autumn weather.

off to see john & elaine - take care and we'll hope to touch base with you soon!

2009-10-07T22:10:00.004-04:00

a trip to take in the recyclables:

a. package up recyclables on the back porch.
b. get shoes out and go down the front stairs, lock door.
c. walk down a block or so to get the car, hop in.
d. drive the car to the back of the lot, jump out.
e. open the back gate and pull car onto car parking pad, park car.
f. jump out of the car, go back and lock the back gate.
g. walk around the side of the house to enter in through the front door that must first be unlocked, and then locked once more after entering and closing the door.
h. go up the front stairs, through the apartment and into the back porch.
i. take three arms full of recyclables down the flight of back stairs, out the back door, which must be promptly shut so Irene's cats won't escape (note: this looks like this - take an arm full of goods down stairs, set on staircase, open the back door, pick up the goods from stair case and walk through door, set down goods on the outside concrete slab, shut the stubborn and often times stuck door, pick up goods and take them to the car trunk).
j. did i say do this three times?
k. go up the back porch stairs one last time, lock the back door, walk up into the apartment, lock the back door that leads into our kitchen.
l. walk through the apartment, down the front stairs, around the side of the house and back to the car.
m. unlock and open the back gate that leads onto the parking slab
n. get in car and back it up off of the parking slab
o. get out of the car and go and shut the back gate
p. get back in car, drive four miles and drop off recyclables.

2009-09-28T22:03:00.001-04:00

Flula's been a buddy of mine for a few years. Check out his win at the Scion Hypeman contest here in Chicago.

Best of all, he entered the contest as a joke... and still won.

2009-09-27T18:21:00.005-04:00

discussions.

today jake and i had a discussion. one of those discussions that you hate but find necessary to have. those kind of discussions that if halted leave one (when i say "one" know that i really mean me) often feeling anxious, hurt, wondering and a little too vulnerable.

it's one of those discussions that often starts out with a sense of innocent insecurity which when aggravated will (and does - trust me) grow, fester, bubble and turn hot - and not the kind of "hot" one wants in their relationship with their partner. am i alone here?

so jake sped ahead on his bike and i putzed in anger as we began our trek to the water (ahhhhh - never leave me fresh beautiful water). eventually catching up to him i greeted him with a "why are you acting like an asshole". note to self - that is not the best, most mature, or loving way to greet someone after a moment of anger. what can i say - i was really, really angry and hurt. i at least said it in a calm manner - does rationalizing and justifying take wrong words back?

from there we had a discussion, if you will.

one of those discussions that when you're committed to the process, is life giving, rewarding, encouraging, engaging and healing. i am assuming when not committed to the process (or the person) leaves you feeling all of those experiences mentioned above (anxious, hurt, wondering and a little too vulnerable).

three years in we are finding that we are having those discussions more often as we try to negotiate who we are as partners during this season in our relationship.

it's a difficult thing when you're running around trying to beat traffic (ahhhhh - please leave me chicago traffic), studying for the next exam, making dinner, preparing breakfast, visiting neighbors, trying to sleep and attempting to have life giving relationships with God and friends outside of marriage.

really - sometimes this marriage/partnership is simply annoying. discussions take time. showing another person love takes time (and energy and creativity that i often lack because i don't take the time). engaging in the process of love takes precious, sacred time.

this is the thing though - i have a committed partner. i have a partner who, through honesty will work (and stubbornly force me not to avoid) and wade through really "assholish" moments, feelings, and life seasons. i have a partner who is committed to the discussions and processes of learning how to be a better partner which brings me/us life, is rewarding, encouraging, engaging and healing.

so, although discussions do take time - i'm here today to say that they are worth every annoying moment of it, when working through it together as partners committed to the process.

2009-09-19T15:18:00.012-04:00

dirt & paint

our neighbor Elaine often shares that she is perfectly okay with her home being dirty. and it is. dust bunnies, caked on dirt in corners and untouched spaces, dust, plaque, and various pieces of collections and shit (as her husband John likes to call it) everywhere.

you would think that with this self awareness of how dirty ones home is would lead one to clean their home. if you think that - which i totally do - you think wrong. this is the deal - Elaine's mom was a cleanaholic. she cleaned everything all the time, everywhere. even places where no one would think to look (i.e. under the bedroom dressers, in the cabinets under the bathroom sink - you all know you don't often clean these space, come on!). Elaine reasons her lack of cleaning desires by ~~rationalizing~~ sharing that she did enough cleaning in her younger years (through force from mom) to fill her for a lifetime. reason enough i guess.

i have this thing about our ~~nasty apartment~~ home. there is no way i could be like Elaine's mom in this apartment. i would literally go insane. i know i've mentioned this in previous posts, but bear with me for a moment if you will.

i think the reason i have been recently fixated on our home not being "clean" or welcoming is because of it's lack of cleanliness - or should i say presenting lack of cleanliness because we clean & wash with regularity - but the crap & plaque on the walls just won't come off!. it really drives me crazy sometimes because i feel (again - please feel free to affirm the insanity here) as though our home is not welcoming because it is so, so... sticky. which in the end makes it not feel like a "home" to us.

the hot pink, peach, yellow and baby blue walls are not our own; the ready-made furniture with holes, stains, and flaws (with the exception of the computer desk) are not our own; the beds that make a ridiculous amount of noise every time we have sex is not our own; the plastic & wooden dressers that don't match, stack or really serve the storing purpose are not our own; the fake marble shelves are not our own; and well, most everything else is not our own either.

it does not represent us, who we are, what we love, or how we would live if we were to walk into an empty space and make it our own. something that defines us, identifies us, or welcomes us and others home at the end of some very long days.

now, don't get me wrong here. i know that my/our identity is not in our home and who knows if we will ever feel at home in a structure with walls. i am aware that in feeling this way there is a part of me that simply just ~~needs~~ wants affirmation from others that we have a cool place that represents us, welcomes them and is comfortable for all. i totally get this and the fact that i am, in fact, looking for affirmation in the wrong place.

still, our home is nasty. so - for all: we took pictures and did a little work today (after going to get dunkin' coffee).

who was this guy who lived here? did he EVER clean?

after our paint job -
we're still deciding if we really like the color or not.
i think i may be leaning toward yes.

this is the thing - Elaine & John's home is one of the most welcoming homes i have been in. you (okay - i) notice the dust bunnies floating around, the dog hair all over the couch, the dust building on their pez collection, frog collection, spoon collection, thimble collection, video collection (you get the point) - but what you really notice is the dinner cooking on the stove, your favorite snack (monga bread!) waiting for you in the cookie jar and the soda (such a treat!) in the freezer getting cold just for you.

i'm hoping that this paint job will help affirm me in my need to have a clean house and make the best of this temporary home(?) here. i will try to follow in Elaine's footsteps and not base my worth and ability to provide a welcoming home based on the cleanliness (or presenting cleanliness) of our home(?). but maybe this paint job will help me in this.

p.s. you should also know that Elaine & John's bathrooms are super super clean all the time. that's John's thing and he does it well.

2009-09-15T13:51:00.014-04:00

one year anniversary of making a big mistake.

it was one year ago today that i took this job - Program Director (it still sounds kind of sexy to me).

three evenings ago (in the midst of another breakdown) jake and i were chatting, dining, comiserating, comforting, laughing and enjoying. then out of the blue he throws out the big idea of regret.

"When we moved here we had it right," he says. " but somewhere along the way we lost that."

now - i have to say, we haven't totally gone against everything we believe in. in taking a quick inventory (although i have been thinking about this for quite some time now) of how we currently spend our time, energy, etc. (really, who doesn't do this? - is it pretentious to ask that?) we found that when things, ideas, relationships, and energy started finding themselves headed in the wrong direction was one year ago when i took this job.

get this: when we moved to chicago we were hell bent on not working more than 5 miles from our home (we would only extend it a few miles if absolutely needed). this was (is) great! i rode my bike to work everyday, i went to work early for peace and prayer, i left work at 5:00pm and was home by 5:17pm. i was able to spend the entire day with those who i love most and was challenged most by. i spent evening with friends. i didn't do weekends. i laughed all the time. i had wonderful (& feisty) co-workers who i had growing and frustrating relationships with. it wasn't always peaches and creme but i could always see peaches growing and watch the creme churning.

on that note: i also was forced into participating (on various levels) in some unethical practices - which is why i made the decision to leave in the first place. i am all about the loving & helping & doing it in a professional manner that empowers the clients, their families and society. i am not all about manipulation, taking advantage of the poor, and not offering quality service in the name of ego and and pride. so i left.

i left for a job (with a bit more money and a bit more prestige) 22 miles away in the western burbs. i left addicts for children (whom are not that different if i say so myself) and traded in counseling for management. i went from working 40 hrs. to 55-60 on any given week. i traded an 8a-5p work day to a 7a-6:30p day. i received life and exercise from riding my bike to work and now find myself in the car over 2 hours daily commuting and traveling (and there is so much more i hate about this outside of the time commitment). we went from having friends over on a very regular basis to almost the extinction of hospitality in our home.

compared to one year ago - i am a much much more unhealthy person than i was one year ago.

this is the thing though - now i am aware. right (please affirm here)? not all is lost, this year (which is going on it's 2nd go around - gotta be the sugar mamma through June 2010) i am setting boundaries, hoping for less chaos and a lot less of people who create chaos. i have the program up and running with materials ready, management of resources and people and kids in place.

there is still much (actually more than much but i'm choosing not to make a list right now) more to do but i feel confident in this coming year.

so tonight i will drink a mike's pink hard lemonade, say cheers to a year gone by and look toward this coming year as a hopeful year of bringing myself, my relationship with others, my relationship with God, and my relationship with Jake into a right and healthy relationship once again.

so save the date - September 15th, 2010 we're going to celebrate in high style a year of healthy living. the mike's pink hard lemonade will be on me.

what can i say, i'm on a journey kick lately.

2009-09-11T08:03:00.001-04:00

tonight's a night i wish i drank alcohol.

like really, really, drank alcohol.

from experience i can tell you it's a strong (& proven) alternative to coping with reality. sometimes alternatives are good options as far as i'm concerned.

sure, i was a drug & alcohol/addiction counselor for 8+ years.
yeah, alcoholism runs in the family.
and still - alcohol and the concept of drinking and the emotions and the feelings, experiences and sensations...
i can't help but want to run into the kitchen, grab me a Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade (i just lost all credibility, didn't i?) and drink my mind & heart into oblivion.

i've never done it before - drink myself into oblivion that is. i guess most things that are unknown (like drinking to forget and really forgetting) are sexy, even when you know the reality and truth behind that actions and have to still work with the consequences long after the forgetting has been forgotten.

tonight i came to the understanding (not for the first time and surely not for the last) that money always equals power (power being of a flexible measurement).

always.

does that mean that when one doesn't have money, they can't have power - oh contrair' - those who don't have money can still have power, it just doesn't get them anywhere.

i think i would like to stick to the middle of the road on this one.

i don't want money - keep it, give it, spend it, invest it. it makes things too complicated.
i also don't want to be a person who feels powerful for the wrong reasons - whether that involves the spending or giving of money.

i don't want to be drunk all the time either.

2009-09-07T20:42:00.007-04:00

i don't have an oven.

i also don't have a four burner stove. i have a stove but it's one of those plug in, quick find, hot plate stoves that colleges warn you about and sometimes ban due to their tendency to start fires.

what i do have is this: i have a rusty and stained kitchen sink. and it's not only the sink - it's the entire structure that rusty = looking as if jake & i haven't wiped it down in years leading to dripped, strained, unattended to pure neglectful rust.

i also have a brown/maroon & off-white flowered linoleum (or what use to be) kitchen floor. there really is not a word for it besides gross.

after over two years of living here and vacuuming on a quite regular basis (because although you would think that because of the variety of colors in our carpet nothing would show - everything shows) we are STILL, yes still, vacuuming up cat hair and a variety of treats left for us to enjoy from the previous tenant.

jerk.

i've been ruminiating in my mind over and over again over the past month about the role of this blog and whether or not we should continue keeping it up (which if the past is any evidence of the future - we really stink at this whole blogging thing). the only times i feel energy calling me to write is when i'm in a lull or energy and/or spirit. other times i just want to keep what is circling around us/me sacred. hold it tight. not let anyone in.

this is the conundrum - i don't want this to be a dumping ground for that which is sore, sad, static, sorry. there are so many friends out there who fill their blogs with love, amazing energy, fantastic insights, laughter & connections to a bigger world. i am not one of these. but i want to be one of these. yet - that is just not what/who i am at this keyboard.

so i'm trying to figure out what to do with all of this.

i tried posting pictures of our vacation (2 weeks in Aug.) but stopped mid-way. this time away was a very sacred and important time in our marriage and i secretly (not so secretly any longer) don't want to let anyone in.

i thought about posting pictures (a proven practice - everyone loves pictures and not many like uncomfortable weighty conversations, trust me - i've been told.) of my motorcycle accident but most pictures are nude-like (although very very awesome).

i entertained the idea of sharing stories from the neighborhood (and my, oh my - are there many!) but writing about woes and others personal stories has begun to feel like exploitation to get into Heaven.

i even entertained the idea of "work talk" on this public forum - but who knows who is out there and i wouldn't want it getting back to the young and old ones alike that i can't handle it any longer and how deeply i long to quit, move to the country, grow me a lot of peaches and rest in the magnificent glory of God.

i spoke with a dear and precious friend this afternoon who was encouraging and challenging me to seek what is good, true, honest, and right with God.

what i really want to do is bake and eat my troubles away.

which leads me to the fact that we don't have an oven and tonight this is a major, major problem.

2009-09-05T16:06:00.001-04:00

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

-Wendell Berry

2009-07-08T17:41:00.002-04:00

not only are they famous - so are we!

2009-07-06T21:46:00.010-04:00

Our friends are famous!

Cops & Doughnuts around the World (well... at least the US)

Mt. Pleasant, MI

Cadillac, MI

Bismarck / Mandan, ND

South Bend, IN

San Francisco, CA

Denver, CO

The Entire SE Region of the USA

Mishawka, IN

Allentown, PA

Chicago, IL

Seattle, WA

TRUtv (whatever this is?)

The Entire state of Arizona

Washington DC

Terre Haute, IN

Holy Doughnut Holes - Everyone is talking about Cops & Doughnuts!

Minneapolis - St. Paul, MN

Asheville, NC

Orlando, FL

Simple Solutions for Complex Problems (great fit I think!)

Philly, PA

The Republicans even love Cops & Doughnuts! Time for a patriotic conversion Rene? If you're ever up in this part of Michigan - be sure to stop by!

Congratulations Richard & Rene (+8)! We love you - a lot.

2009-07-02T19:49:00.002-04:00

a couple things i have recently been reminded of:

Mr. Wendell

The Way of Ignorance.

Manifesto.

Good Works (doing good good work).

2009-05-27T21:09:00.013-04:00

Rumi, Reshma & their Family.

Many of you know that over the Memorial Day weekend I flew out to San Diego to spend, what I have come to call, a memorable and most glorious weekend with Rumi, Reshma & their family. When if comes to finding words to describe the weekend, I have a hard time. What does roll smoothly off my tongue is this: there has never been a better fit.

There seems to be a beauty in things that fit. I remember being amazed when I was in high school stocking shelves at Kroger and watching the baby food containers (those wretched containers) fit perfectly on the shelves. Although I hate puzzles, I just love the idea of many pieces of a puzzle fitting together to make one image. I love the fit of a perfect t-shirt and the way that old jeans, even when they don't fit - fit perfectly.

I think that's actually the way I experienced the weekend with Sharon, Rumi, Reshma (aka Baby Keckma), Mark, Dani & Karla. Time spent with each of them just fit, like the jeans that fit perfectly and offer you a comfort and identity that you only find when wearing them.

So now for the pictures that each of you have been asking for. This is only a pinch of some of the really cute ones although there are plenty more to be posted soon. Small doses and delayed gratification prolong the excitement, correct?

- sleepy Reshma -

- Sharon came well prepared for many an afternoons on the beach. Toy of choice: kites. I have to say, we were all pretty good at flying them, although Reshma was pretty sure they were more fun to touch and play with than simply watch. -

- Rumi taking over the controls -

- Spiderman and his flying turtle -

- highlight of the weekend: Spiderman band-aids. They went everywhere with us - breakfast, to the beach (where when we got up to leave found band-aid wrappers surrounding our space), out to dinner, etc. They also gave me a really great band-aid shape tattoo on my left thigh.

- proof that they went everywhere with us -
- 2 peas -

- love this smile -

- Jake has shared that this may be his favorite photo simply because of the excitement demonstrated on Rumi's face. In fact, I encourage you save it and then zoom in to see the adrenaline run! -

- somersault attempt -

- a family walk to get water for playing in the sand. Mark, Rumi, Keckma, & Sharon (L-R) -

- building castles -

- a friend on my morning walk (there will be more "morning walk" photos to come) -

- I sincerely cannot think of a better support that Dani, the family's Au Pear (am I even spelling that correctly?). She is so great with the kids, a perfect balance of love and firmness. It was such a delight to spend time watching her love on the kids so well -

Thank you Sharon, Rumi, Reshma, Mark & Dani for allowing me to join in on your family vacation. It was simply beautiful spending time with each of you. I am honored by your generosity, kindness, comfort and am so grateful for the way you allowed space and time for me to fit into your lives. We love you.

2009-05-17T09:42:00.013-04:00

life.

as of late, jake & i have been enjoying peaceful mornings on our front porch eating breakfast and cool evenings outside in our backyard or on the front porch having dinner together. this is good. it feels good in every way. not only have we have met a couple more neighbors (casual "hello" at this time) but it has also been good for us. we feel that if we let it, summer gets away from us and although we enjoy the season, the experience of summer and community are often pushed to the side with busyness and bike rides and trips and gatherings and...

so this yesr we are making a more concerted effort to stay at home. i think i've posted this link before, but here is it one more time: The Most Radial Thing You Can Do

i've been ruminating over this article for quite some time now. it fits well with me. it works well with this 30th year that i have entered into - for many reasons (all of which i will touch on sometime soon.) in the meantime though, here are some photos from recent times:

- an early morning coffee & dark chocolate treat (thanks to Elaine for giving us permission to enjoy chocolate each morning) -

- the pianese are simply breathtaking this year. Irene shared that it's always the 3rd year when they truly start to shine. i'm beginning to think this may be the same for our marriage as well. -

- a few days back i was reading a blog from a stay-at-home mom (i think i read too many of these sometimes) who shared that her family loves to engage in the activity of geocaching. After exploring what this strange activity is, i was captured and addicted at the thought of following a "true" map to an end with an unknown suprise awaiting us - our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

i asked jake (who presented to have know about this experience for years now, as well as my mom!) why we had never gone on such a treasure hunt. he shared, "you hate technology. i didn't think you would like it." to which i responded, "you should know, i like technology when it means that you get to play outside and there is a treasure hunt with a prize at the end!"

all of this to say - we have gone on a couple treasure hunts in chicago (which makes living here a bit more bearable) over the last couple of days. One of which lead us to this marker under a tree in a hidden park in Oak Park. i quote, "to desire truth is to pursue wisdom." ~James E. O'Brien. -

- one of my mother's day gifts from Irene. i wonder if she knows that we don't have kids? -

- our spiritual community, WPG, has taken on the task of turning an abandoned lot and engaging in the practice of resurrection through community gardening. yesterday was our first day of clean up and planting. i wish i would have taken a "before" pic. but was too excited at that time to think about taking photographs when there was so much to do. as activity settled down i washed my hands and took a couple action shots before digging my fingers into the soil once again. -

- we found a number of these nightcrawlers (a good sign of great soil) dancing thoughout our garden beds. upon finding them i was reminded of the french fry contests my sisters and i would have when we went out to eat, "who has the longest french fry!?!" yesterday, i had the longest earthworm. how things have changed and yet - how they always stay the same. and jake wonders where my competitive side comes from? -

- the kids have been coming over more lately. i have missed their consistent company over the winter season. yesterday, much of our time was spent wrestling inside to be following up with a couple hours playing in the park. not only were the kids amazing (so bummed that i didn't bring the camera) but i also have not seen jake so active and joyful. it was an afternoon filled with simple delight -

- for my 30th rachel sent our way a sprouting jar as well as some beans from The Sprouting People. Following is a progression through the last couple of days, beginning with day 2 (day 1 - just beans).

- day 3 -

- day 4 -

- day 5, we couldn't even stick the lens of the camera into the jar without getting it all wet from the long sprouts. -

- lastly, Megan, our niece, made this beautiful candle holder for "the 30th". isn't it beautiful? -

hope each of you are enjoying the sun this afternoon!

2009-05-10T15:08:00.003-04:00

nurturing.

there are times in our lives, i'm convinced,
where we just need to engage in the action of nurturing.
nurturing ourselves, others, the world and our spirits.

Radiant Wonderer

Potent radiant wonderer, how do we describe
the extraordinary ones? Co-creating, co-evolving
our emerging, even converging universe.

Our consciousness. Together. Collective wisdom.
Light meets light, is wave, is part. Flows all.

Rock to mountain
Leaf to tree
Cell to organ
Aliveness in pattern
Snowflake, toaster, cat

The vibrant, brilliant hues, kaleidoscope of creativity
cosmic synergy where eye connects to eye. We flow.

Lured in by bright eyes awake--
indeed, intensely alive. The sparkle of spirit
emanating from every particle, gracing
fluid movement. Crisp, clear, translucent
conversations, connection luminescent,
transfixed, transformed, trans-beinged.

- herman is loving the summer warmth -

2009-05-09T19:46:00.004-04:00

it was time to say good-bye.
- she brought us through ice storms -

- carried us where we weren't meant to go -

- kept us fed and warm -

- was shelter for laughter & tears -

- and sent us away in our marriage together -

we will miss our dear friend, our 95' Honda Civic.
Purchased December 1999 with 78,000 miles.
Traded in May 2009 with 237,000 miles.
New car stories - coming soon.

2009-05-04T21:28:00.004-04:00

tonight i need memories.

without expecting a need that is longing to be filled, tonight i'm finding myself pouring over memories of long ago (okay, really only three years ago). i hope you enjoy as much as we do.

- our first date "hiking" in kalamazoo -

- sleeping in the fields of w. lafayette -

- i think this was the first day we kissed in the back woods of his parent's home.
it must have been the smell of cedar that drove us over the edge. -

- this has to be one of my favorites. i still love hugging those long toes. -

- the night we got engaged -

2009-05-03T10:33:00.003-04:00

summer mornings, fresh tulips, sweet coffee, warm sun.

- lilacs blossoming above! -

the season of Easter is in the air.

2009-04-13T21:10:00.007-04:00

i had every intention (three weeks ago) to begin writing & posting again.

i uploaded (or is it downloaded) the following photos (everyone loves photos) with hopes of starting to share our lives once again, three weeks ago.

yet, with beautiful weather outside and sweet evenings & weekends with friends and my beloved, remaining on the computer has been the least of priorities. i apologize (i need to know who set this computer's spell check to "london style" - let us embrace the "z" and leave the "s" where it belongs - in strawberries!) as l know this is the way most of us stay attempt to stay connected.

today, with the smell of spring in the air and sweet memories finding a home as the trees blossom and settle my spirit - here are photos of early april and late march. enjoy.

- an afternoon nap in the park -

- we were honored to have our dear friend Kaleb & his wife Sa with us for Easter -

- OD on simply sinful Easter treats from mom, dad & neighbors -

- Easter dinner with friends at WPG -

- my precious (and longest known) friend Amber & i -

- an early spring day of work on our city transportation -

- for spring break I headed down to kansas city to spend some time with my sisters, parents (who were visiting as well), niece and closest friend. i love this picture of Allison and this classic face of hers (most likely in the middle of saying, "Jessica, that's ridiculous.") -

- Jen & i at jerusalem cafe -

- we also spent one weekend visiting with Jake's parents, grandma and the woods. I can only dream of how green the woods are today..." -

2009-03-22T21:02:00.013-04:00

celebration.

today, in celebration of my 30th (yes, 30th) birthday my beloved and I gathered some blankets, sweet books, spring jackets and delicious banana bread (thank you Kevin & Christina) to spend a day in the woods and largest prairie (Goose Lake Prairie State Park) east of the Mississippi (a fact we learned on our little adventure today). upon reaching the wet-lands and marsh prairies of Goose Lake we enjoyed a long walk together and later enjoyed a picnic in the park. not long after we found ourselves wandering throughout the DesPlaines Conservation Area where we basked in the sunlight walking alongside riverbeds, lakes and blossoming wooded areas. hand in hand we enjoyed exposing hidden treasures (two beautiful feathers, hibernating insects, an in-tact skeleton of an unknown small creature, varieties of nuts & beautiful lichen), exploring indigenous prairie birds and plants, climbing abandon barns, conversing, tossing a few rocks with our new slings, and often finding out feet quite soggy from the receding flooded plains. it was such a joy to scout out new trails and places for retreat.

this one is for those of you who know Jake and love him for exactly this reason...

afterwords, we headed back to chicago for or spiritual gathering and found ourselves having dinner with Andre, a young 17 year old boy who has taken some time (by AWOL) off of his residential treatment to "get some fresh air." such a good kid.

to bring a perfect conclusion to this day of celebration my cherished friends had prepared a yummy vegan cake, vegan banana split cupcakes (from Vegan Cupcakes take Over the World - both creations of Amy) and showered the evening with inspirational gifts and laughter. thanks friends!

as for the rest of the evening - we are home after a wonderful day's journey with sun-kissed skin, dirty toes (and hands) with another decade waiting to be explored. thanks to each of you for your wonderful birthday wishes, sweet messages, e-mails & notes.

and to tickle your appetites for what's occurring in our backyard...

2009-03-15T21:13:00.011-04:00

a couple photos from the last week.

so grateful for clear days without a cloud in the sky.

we love a little fungi in our home.

when i was young i use to think that these little bug tracks use to be old petroglyphs to tell me secrets no one knew. i now revel in ways which otherwise insignificant creatures mark their territory in such beautiful ways.first spring wild flowers.

i cannot get enough of the beauty inside grape stems. so much intricacy in such a small and insignificant form.

beautiful wet lichen.

last weekend we had the gift of hosting Cory for the rainy days.
beer, late nights (kinda), hookah, cheese & time = perfect weekend

our kitchen table in full bloom.
look at those iris' & succulents!

sweet blossoms.

2009-03-11T08:58:00.000-04:00

The more I see him, the more I like John Stewart.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

2009-03-07T10:51:00.005-05:00

it's a dark, wet, thunderstorm kind of day.

a good reason to stay close to home and in the company of good friends, dense loaves of bread and sultry cheese.

we have a blossoming iris harmony bringing light into our room for gathering together. her colors are contagious.

do you have a favorite thunderstorm or rainy day memory?

2009-02-28T18:07:00.000-05:00

if one wants to laugh.
one must go here.

enjoy your weekend!

2009-02-26T06:22:00.002-05:00

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."
~ Jack London

"Eventually, mind discovers that it's free, that it's infinitely out of control and infinitely joyful. Eventually, it falls in love with the unknown. In that it can rest. And since it no longer believes what it thinks, it remains always peaceful, wherever it is or isn't."
~Byron Katie

2009-02-22T07:42:00.008-05:00

the perfect kind of day.

my favorite hair cut of all time. yes, christmas decoration that are not read or green are all still up.

\the day began with a quick run outside with ballerina slippers to engage the clean air, test the wet (here they are drying after a scrub down) ground & pick up the consequences of accumulated winter trash that has been hibernating under the snow over the past two months. plastic bags shown after our weekly washing. christmas lights over the shower (since we moved in) as a gift from my husband to make it feel like every shower i take feel like it's under the stars.

such a beautiful warm day the rainbows & chacos were singing from the closet sweet words of potential spring/summer days.

edgar stopped over for quite some time to help jake work on the motorcycle and received his favorite treat - sweet butter corn muffins.

an early blossom.

each weekend we make our way over the John & Elaine's home to rest for a couple of hours. with conversation, laughter, rest & sweet treats they have become our surrogate grandparents in this cold city. on this particular day John did not bother to find Elaine upstairs. we think he just needed some time with us by himself. as we rested in his stories he shared memories of his childhood, feelings related to being a parent, his struggle with alcoholism and together we entered into a sacred time of passing on some of what he shared he has not even told Elaine after 40(ish) years of marriage.

2009-02-17T16:26:00.000-05:00

I like this.

Everything's Amazing, Nobody's Happy.

2009-02-16T10:57:00.002-05:00

articles that riled me up over the last couple days.

I quit, I think.

The Most Radical Thing You can Do.

V-Day.

2009-02-15T12:12:00.002-05:00

question.

i'm a little angry this morning - the right kind of angry. the kind of angry that gets your blood boiling, arms waving, and husband saying, "please don't yell at me, i'm not the one you're angry at." still - he is the perfect kind of partner and takes the verbal abuse and confusion.

today's topic of conversation: are we really animals? do we, the greater society, really not think before acting? if so, how can this be? if not, how can we reconcile accountability for what we have done?

how do we reconcile patterning all of our children after each other by sending them all to public schools instead of letting them invent themselves and supporting them in doing so?

how do we reconcile watching men, groups of men, rape and abuse women across the globe with no recourse?

how do we reconcile the pressure to stay away from home, the essence of who we are and where we grow roots?

how do we reconcile city life, lack of health care (i spoke with a man for 10 mins. this morning outside of Aldi who has no insurance, is a roofer who feel off a roof this past summer and is now in poverty with limited options outside of begging), lack of forethought, insight, and long-term consequences?

are we really that animalistic?

2009-02-14T09:37:00.003-05:00

"you do realize that if i was able to record and video tape your behavior in this house i would be able to receive some type of court settlement for mental and behavioral problems and concern."

spoken by my beloved.

tonight we're goin' here.

2009-02-13T09:43:00.003-05:00

this morning i drove to work with the windows cracked open just a bit to remind myself that it's still Feb. it felt amazing.

i'm also wearing pink & read together with big hot pink hoops - one of the only redemptive plus points to v-day.

2009-02-12T08:17:00.000-05:00

"you're like a kiss parasite," he says while walking out the door with a twinkle in his eyes.

2009-02-11T12:41:00.001-05:00

last night i read almost an entire novel.

melatonin, where are thou?

2009-02-10T09:38:00.002-05:00

this morning:

my husband spoke, "you smell so good in the morning when you're not farting."

i also took a nice morning walk to welcome in an early spring day. the sun is parting the darkness and i saw my first cardinal.

2009-02-08T21:24:00.001-05:00

on living simply.

the rich usually imagine that, if they do not physically rob the poor, they are committing no sin. but the sin of the rich consists in not sharing their wealth with the poor. in fact, the rich person who keeps all his wealth for himself is committing a form of robbery. the reason is that in truth all wealth comes from God, and so belongs to everyone equally. the proof of this is all around us. look at the succulent fruits which the trees and the bushes produce. look at the fertile soil which yields each year such an abundant harvest. look at the sweet grapes on the vines, which gives us wine to drink. the rich may claim that they own many fields in which fruits and grain grow; but it is God who causes seeds to sprout and mature. the duty of the rich is to share the harvest of their fields with all who work in them and with all in need.

saint john chrysostom, on living simply

2009-02-08T07:51:00.003-05:00

this morning i woke up after a full night of sleep to sun (at 6:40am!) and the song of birds.

the best is yet to come...

2009-02-03T13:56:00.000-05:00

But for most, it is not written....

2009-01-06T14:18:00.005-05:00

Empty the Cities

In many recent discussion I have stated, half jokingly and half seriously that we should all collectively declare urbanism a failed experiment, and move back to the country to reform our farming based communities of ages past. Cities, which form the incubation hot-bed of new ideas and culture, are also farms of consumption, waste, and destruction of ecology, life, and spirit. Of course this is a gross over-simplification of a vast problem that does not lie just within the limits of our "great" cities, but as a boiled down synthesis, it will have to do.

Just today I saw an article that further fuels the fire of fleeing urbanism. This article in the Boston Globe, How the city hurts your brain, is a commentated collection of psychological and behavioral studies done on individuals after being exposed to nature of urban environments.

Because the article is long, and many of us live in urban environments and therefore have limited attention spans, I shall pull out some of the more pertinent points of the article.

"Just being in an urban environment, they have found, impairs our basic mental processes. After spending a few minutes on a crowded city street, the brain is less able to hold things in memory, and suffers from reduced self-control."

Limited memory abilities and limited self-control? Sounds just about right from my experience here in Chicago and previous experiences living in other major metropolis centers like Mexico City.

"In a study published last month, Berman outfitted undergraduates at the University of Michigan with GPS receivers. Some of the students took a stroll in an arboretum, while others walked around the busy streets of downtown Ann Arbor.

The subjects were then run through a battery of psychological tests. People who had walked through the city were in a worse mood and scored significantly lower on a test of attention and working memory, which involved repeating a series of numbers backwards. In fact, just glancing at a photograph of urban scenes led to measurable impairments, at least when compared with pictures of nature."

And for the ADHD child thriving in your skin...

"This also helps explain why, according to several studies, children with attention-deficit disorder have fewer symptoms in natural settings. When surrounded by trees and animals, they are less likely to have behavioral problems and are better able to focus on a particular task."

For my college age friends still all-nighting their way through papers and test preparation...

"When a park is properly designed, it can improve the function of the brain within minutes. As the Berman study demonstrates, just looking at a natural scene can lead to higher scores on tests of attention and memory. While people have searched high and low for ways to improve cognitive performance, from doping themselves with Red Bull to redesigning the layout of offices, it appears that few of these treatments are as effective as simply taking a walk in a natural place."

Jess and I both know how much nature impacts us for the better, but I think I always thought that the negative side of the city was just because it lacked nature, not because the very essence of the city was damaging to the psyche.

Sigh...

2008-12-28T21:31:00.002-05:00

When I Am Among the Trees

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness,
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, "It's simple," they say,
"and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine."

~ Mary Oliver ~

:Congratulations to Rachel, Cory, Shawna, Beth, Sofia, Trisha & Alissa! Each of you will be receiving a copy of one of the preceding pictures in your January Christmas Card. If you're really bent on have one of each photo to make a complete set please let us know and we'll be sure to meet your every need:

2008-12-21T17:01:00.010-05:00

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CAUSE TEMPORARY OR PERMANENT DAMAGE TO YOUR SCROOGE SPIRIT. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

From our home to yours - Have a joyous Christmas!

- Jake, Jess & Herman (our turtle) -

*This pictures series is actually a set of eight. If you leave a comment under this blog post you have entered yourself in the drawing to win the other two pictures. Therefore, comment at your own risk and know that the more you comment, the higher the chance you have to win all eight!

2008-12-19T15:07:00.001-05:00

The Power of Proximity
Kirsten Penner Krymusa

Lispa walks into a room like a Maya Angelou poem. Hips swaying, eyes sparkling, large smooth arms picking up scattered toys and books without ever breaking her stride. She repeats my daughters’ names with her lilting Kenyan accent, over and over, her motherly mantra. There’s a quiet dignity to Lispa’s manner. A refusal to hurry. A steady rhythm that beats somewhere below the surface as she walks to the clothesline in her worn blue flip-flops or bends at the waist to scrub the floor.

Lispa works for me. She does my housework, bakes my bread, and occasionally watches my girls when I’m tired or need to run a quick errand. I’ve come to accept the bizarre reality of having a houseworker while I live in Kenya. I make a concerted effort to be a fair employer, to give her a generous wage, to inquire about her family and thank her for her help. But the truth is that when Lispa enters my house each morning, she brings with her an undeniable discomfort. Because although I lead a modest life by any North American standard - no large appliances, no screens on my windows, intermittent power and water - when Lispa walks in the room, I’m rich. Filthy rich.

I tend to bemoan my cramped kitchen and complain when the power goes out while I’m on the computer. I scroll through websites and long for high-tech toys for my 4 month old daughter. I rifle through my t-shirt drawer in despair, dreaming of the convenience of a Canadian shopping mall.

And then Lispa walks in. Lispa, who lives in a one room house with her husband and 3 children. Who irons her two dresses with meticulous care. Who can barely cram all my daughters’ toys into our large toy basket while her children play soccer with a ball of knotted rags.

Maybe there’s an immorality to having someone who is so poor enter right into the middle of all my wealth. But maybe there’s also value in the juxtaposition - a refining that comes with the discomfort. Because if Lispa didn’t work for me, the reality would be the same. I’d still be way too rich. And she’d still be somewhere in a tiny crowded room, way too poor. When I lived in my funky downtown apartment in Canada, washing my own floors and doing my own laundry in the basement laundromat, there were still millions of Lispas in the world trying to scrape by one more day - sometimes succeeding, sometimes not. The difference wasn’t in the disparity, just the proximity.

Whenever Lispa stands in front of my full pantry and asks quietly if I might be able to spare some extra sugar for her family, whenever I drive by the devastating Kiberra slum on a family outing to the giraffe park, whenever I slow down my Subaru for an elderly woman carrying a load of firewood on her back, I remember that things are not right. That ours is a broken and unjust world, and that I do not have the luxury of complacency.

I wonder how I’ll maintain that awareness when I do move back to North America some day. I know all too well how easy it is to exist in a comfortable middle class bubble. If I plan my route through the city carefully, I could probably go weeks without even seeing people poorer than me, let alone actually having a relationship with them. And I think there’s an immorality to that as well, or at least a grave danger. Because those of us who are rich cannot afford to be too comfortable with our wealth - especially those of us who claim to be “little Christs”. I know Jesus had encounters with those in circles of wealth and comfort, but most of the time, he chose to seek out the sick and poor and outcasts. So maybe there’s moral value in proximity with the poor. Maybe Lispa is helping me develop the spiritual discipline of discomfort.

- found on Burnside Writers Collective -

2008-12-19T11:42:00.000-05:00

there is something comforting about bread & butter.

2008-12-17T09:38:00.003-05:00

Another cryptic message.

The week has increased in difficulty in some ways, and eased in others. Please be in prayer for the students I work with.

In the advent of these learning curves I have lost sleep and found courage. Such a silly word, makes me think of lions and tiger and bears (Oh My!). It's not a characteristic I have had to summon on a regular basis.

Still, because I am free to accept or refuse this summoning of courage, I will scream I am not able, yell I'm not worthy and consent to the road before me.

Yesterday morning I had a solid cry as part of this experience. Jake held my shaking body and offered me a gift, the tree of life. A beautiful glass pendant of a blossoming tree and placed in gently around my neck.

May the God who created the trees which bring life to us all bring you peace and joy on this day.

2008-12-13T07:44:00.004-05:00

it's been a very difficult week for me. amidst the celebration of jake's birthday & acceptance there have been a significant series of events that have summoned into action a part of me i didn't know exist.

unable to paraphrase this experience i leave you with a poem that best puts into words what i'm working through:

Annunciation

‘Hail, space for the uncontained God’
~From the Agathistos Hymn, Greece, VIc

We know the scene: the room, variously furnished,
almost always a lectern, a book; always
the tall lily.
Arrived on solemn grandeur of great wings,
the angelic ambassador; standing or hovering,
whom she acknowledges, a guest.
But we are told of meek obedience. No one mentions
courage.
The Engendering Spirit
did not enter her without consent
God waited.
She was free
to accept or refuse, choice
integral to humanness.

. . .

This was the minute no one speaks of,
when she could still refuse.

A breath unbreathed, Spirit,
suspended, waiting.

She did not cry, "I cannot, I am not worthy,"
nor, "I have not the strength."
She did not submit with gritted teeth,
raging, coerced
Bravest of all humans,
consent illumined her,
The room filled with its light,
the lily glowed in it,
and the iridescent wings.

Consent, courage unparalleled,
opened her utterly.

. . .

Aren't there annunciations
of one sort or another in most lives?
Some unwillingly
undertake great destinies,
enact them in sullen pride, uncomprehending.
More often those moments
when roads of light and storm
open from darkness in a man or woman,
are turned away from
in dread, in a wave of weakness, in despair
and with relief.
Ordinary lives continue.
God does not smite them.
But the gates close, the pathway vanishes.

. . .

She had been a child who played, ate, slept
like any other child – but unlike others,
wept only for pity, laughed
in joy not triumph.
Compassion and intelligence
fused in her, indivisible.

Called to a destiny more momentous
than any in all of Time,
she did not quail,
only asked
a simple, 'How can this be?'
and gravely, courteously,
took to heart the angel’s reply,
perceiving instantly
the astounding ministry she was offered:

to bear in her womb
Infinite weight and lightness; to carry
in hidden, finite inwardness,
nine months of Eternity; to contain
in slender vase of being,
the sum of power –
in narrow flesh,
the sum of light.
Then bring to birth,
push out into air, a Man-child
needing, like any other,
milk and love –

but who was God.

~Denise Levertov

*thank you Nanette

2008-12-12T10:17:00.002-05:00

Since Jake hasn't yet spilled the beans:

Yesterday was not only his birthday but he was also officially accepted into the Advanced Standing nursing program at Loyola University.

Whatta Man.

2008-12-10T13:32:00.001-05:00

2008-12-08T08:56:00.001-05:00

What do you do when you have a morning/day where everything goes wrong?

2008-12-01T20:40:00.002-05:00

this entry (mostly the comments following) really made me smile today.

it also makes me hungry & creative!

oh - and then there was this.

2008-11-30T17:08:00.000-05:00

feeling indecisive & anxious.

blogging.

ideas.
moments.
challenges.
inspirations.
healthy living.
unhealthy living.
adventures.
stories.
choices.
children.
yummy recipes.
projects.
feelings.
personal enlightenment.
personal demons.
unschooling.
childhood.
homes & stoves.
holiday.
faith.
everydayness.
simple living.
craziness.

i just don't know what to share.

2008-11-25T14:43:00.005-05:00

crow rests with new light
tangled deep within fresh warmth
our shadow cut glass

2008-11-24T14:50:00.000-05:00

Simple and to the point.

Advent Conspiracy

2008-11-19T15:00:00.002-05:00

In honor of our friend Cory, I bring to you the first ever Chicago Commons ESL Second Language Haiku Fest.

I charged my students with the task of completing several haiku during class today. Here are the English renditions. Keep in mind, this is their second or third language.

the spring has come here
pretty colors we can see
when flowers are born

the flowers are born
just in this beautiful time
then they go to die

the cold water runs
in some long, beautiful shapes
it gives me some peace

And then they wrote haiku in Spanish, which were later translated into English. Keep in mind that the translation will no longer keep the syllabic pattern necessary in haiku.

las olas del mar
con su dulce sonido
calman mi estres

the waves of the ocean
with their sweet sound
calm my stress

con su dulce canto
los bellos pajaritos
dan alegria

with their sweet song
the beautiful birds
give me joy

agua limpia
que corre por el rio
da mucha vida

clean water
that runs to the river
gives much life

las flores cantan
una gran melodia
para nosotros

the flowers sing
a grand melody
for us

and my personal favorite:

el agua corre
dulce y melodiosa
en una rosa

the water runs
sweet and melodiously
in a rose

2008-11-17T14:21:00.001-05:00

I just can't get enough of the Ney...

Or the Oud today.

2008-11-16T15:57:00.000-05:00

Could Have

It could have happened.
It had to happen.
It happened earlier. Later.
Nearer. Farther off.
It happened, but not to you.
You were saved because you were the first.
You were saved because you were the last.
Alone. With others.
On the right. The left.
Because it was raining. Because of the shade.
Because the day was sunny.

You were in luck -- there was a forest.
You were in luck -- there were no trees.
You were in luck -- a rake, a hook, a beam, a brake,
A jamb, a turn, a quarter-inch, an instant . . .

So you're here? Still dizzy from
another dodge, close shave, reprieve?
One hole in the net and you slipped through?
I couldn't be more shocked or
speechless.
Listen,
how your heart pounds inside me.

-Wislawa Szymborska

2008-11-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

Returning

I was walking in a dark valley
and above me the tops of the hills
had caught the morning light.
I heard the light singing as it went
among the grassblades and the leaves.
I waded upward through the shadow
until my head emerged,
my shoulders were mantled with the light,
and my whole body came up
out of the darkness, and stood
on the new shore of the day.
Where I had come was home,
for my own house stood white
where the dark river wore the earth.
The sheen of bounty was on the grass,
and the spring of the year had come.

- Wendell Berry

2008-11-11T11:33:00.002-05:00

Reconciliatory Dialog

In nearly every conceivable polar situation, there are people across a wide continuum of Left to Right, Liberal to Conservative, Pro to Con, For to Against, etc. Also present on the far ends of these continuums are the ugly 1%. These are most visible when they are willing to kill and maim for their cause. Bombing abortion clinics, assassinating leaders, spiking trees, burning ski resorts, using religion, fear, and violence as weapons against an ideology that they do not agree with.

Just inside of that ugly 1% is an ugly 2% that is probably not as violent, but equally driven by fear and hate. The Obama campaign mentioned numerous times the hateful and divisive chants and comments coming out of the McCain/Palin crowds at political events. There were chants of "nigger", "terrorist", "kill him", etc.

I agree with Senator McCain in that the whole of a party can not be held responsible for the actions of a few. That ugly 2% present at political rallies who would start chants like previously mentioned are not representative of the Republican party, but they do point to the existence of that 2% end of the spectrum that still exists today in America.

It is present everywhere.

John McCain dehumanized his political opponent and referred to him as "that one".

Rep. Lynn Westmoreland used the HEAVILY racially charged word "uppity" when talking about Barack and Michelle. "Just from what little I've seen of her and Mister Obama, Senator Obama, they're a member of an elitist class individual that thinks that they're uppity." And when asked about his use of the word "uppity", Westmoreland said again, "Uppity, yeah."

And if that were not bad enough, Obama's own running-mate, Joe Biden, was quoted as saying that Obama was the "first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy."

This is only a sneeze, a small cough, a runny-nose-symptom of a deeper, disgraceful problem that still exists in deeper currents within our society.

Racial reconciliation is a conversation that America is not yet ready for.

Economic division reconciliation is a conversation that America is not yet ready for.

But these are conversations that we will have to participate in, and engage in if we ever hope to fulfill the greatness that our nation is intended for.

As Wendell Berry put it in his poem "Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front"

...
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
...

Denounce does not mean to destroy, reject, or render worthless, but instead to "condemn or censure openly or publicly", or "make a formal accusation against, as to the police or in a court".

Confront and censure the racism and hatred of peoples. Bring about discussion, communication, and implementation of compassion, love, and relationships that can yield the crop of reconciliation.

Dr. Cornel West can put this much better than I can. At least watch part one, 10 minutes, and continue on to part 2 and 3 if you so desire.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

2008-11-10T13:03:00.004-05:00

Now that this election is over, I feel a bit more free to expound on my thoughts that occurred during the campaigns. This is by no means the most important of the issues I heard, it is just the first one that popped into my thought process this morning.

In response to questions of why she had not received a passport until that year, and never been out of the country, Sarah Palin replied as such.

"I'm not one of those who maybe came from a background of, you know, kids who perhaps graduate college and their parents give them a passport and give them a backpack and say go off and travel the world.

No, I've worked all my life. In fact, I usually had two jobs all my life until I had kids. I was not a part of, I guess, that culture. The way that I have understood the world is through education, through books, through mediums that have provided me a lot of perspective on the world."

-Sarah Palin interview with Katie Couric - link

I wonder what she considers "that culture". Is this another underhanded attempt to bring in that nasty "e" word and say that only those who are elitist can travel the world? I, personally, find this rather repugnant.

Mrs. Palin, while in graduate school I was earning $900 per month at one job, and another $70 - $120 per month at a second job. I still managed to pay for my own schooling and all of my expenses, get myself a passport, purchase my own backpack, and send myself on minimalist expeditions for months at a time to Costa Rica, India, and Thailand.

Does that make me an elitist? Do I suddenly sip martinis over lunch and trade stock tips with my arms-dealer buddies?

Now here is the most important part of this whole process, get ready. Do you want to know what I did learn while I was in all of those places that applies to this situation?

I learned that, in fact, I was an elitist.

We in America who can eat every day, afford a car, drink water out of the faucet, purchase shoes, and live a life mostly free of parasitic diseases and water-borne illnesses, we are elitist.

We are elite among the world's population who subsist on $1 per day or less. That's 1.1 billion people according to the World Bank.

We are elite among those who consume less than $2 per day. That's 2.7 billion people.

Out of the 6.1 billion people alive at the time of this survey, that is 45% of the world living on $2 per day or less.

Two dollars? Really? I probably loose more than that down couch cushions every month.

That is how I know that I am an elitist.

I am an elitist, and anyone who has the capability to read this blog is too. I hope we can all recognize that fact, and work with the humble understanding of our true position in the world, and therefore our responsibility to that world.

Perhaps Mrs. Palin could have learned this as well.

2008-11-09T16:56:00.008-05:00

do yourself a favor.

jhonathan - way to capture the sensations & love of the evening.

p.s. jake is sure to have some thoughtful reflections on the election coming soon. i, on the other hand am just enjoying the time of historical celebration!

2008-11-06T21:30:00.010-05:00

"...That is what humanity can achieve, when we all believe in something together." - a great personal reflection on the evening of history, in so many ways.

"i was watching from two blocks away, and when we were leaving, it was this atmosphere of brotherhood and love of everyone equal, everyone lifting each other up, not one negative i saw at the rally, it feels too damn good to say I AM AN AMERICAN! THESE ARE MY PEOPLE." - comment reflecting on the evening

"I truly believe that as our next President, Barack Obama will lead my generation and my children's back onto the path of creating A More Perfect Union. It won't be easy, but I will be cheering (and continuing to volunteer) all the way." - a bit of a personal testimony regarding one woman's support for a Barack Presidency

"This is a very important moment for a black woman (at age 64) from this city to witness," she said. "He is a brilliant, very genuine person. He is a jewel." - Chicago Tribune

"I couldn’t breathe, yet I was crying. I have never had or seen such a reaction in my life. We did it. Not only did America elect the first black president, but we elected the best choice by a landslide. America tonight has lived up to its promises,” said “The Daily Show” host John Stewart. And he is exactly right. We did.

a note from Cornel West

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our Founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer." - President Elect Barack Obama

*the previous two photos were stolen - thanks Ben & Nanette!*

2008-11-02T15:39:00.004-05:00

please vote.

please, just get out there on Tuesday & vote.

vote green.
vote red.
vote blue.
vote clear.

just VOTE!

i did and hope you do as well. please share your story afterward - i will soon, as it was one of the most emotional experiences of my adult life.

please vote.

2008-11-01T18:16:00.004-04:00

9 out of 10 mornings Jake & I intentionally wake up thirty to sixty minutes earlier than we need to in order to lay in bed together. Laughing, talking, crying, and enjoying the company of one another is how we enter into each day.

It's never planned nor has it become something I measure myself up against (like most things). It's a part of the day that has become "us."

I am so grateful.